A Father's Legacy

To end this year I am posting the text of my tribute to my dad that I gave at his funeral, A Father's Legacy.

When I think about my Dad, the word that come's to mind is legacy.  Dad gave me and my family an incredible legacy that will impact generations to come.  So let me tell you a little bit about my Dad and what he meant to me as his son.

A Legacy of Faith

He was born on May 23, 1935 at his parent’s home on 713 Stanwood Street in Philadelphia. When my dad was 14 he had a life changing experience.  He went to Pine Brook Camp and heard the gospel and made a commitment of faith in Jesus as his savior.  When he came home from camp, my grandmother was thrilled, my grandfather was not happy at all.  Eventually my grandfather left the family and never had contact with them again.   This was very hard for Dad, but he continued to out his faith in many ways.  Dad started a Bible study group in Lincoln High School.  He helped with Youth rallies, playing the saxophone. 

After graduating from Lincoln High School, he went to Philadelphia College of Bible and King’s College.  At King’s dad worked in the maintenance department and learned to be very handy with electrical, plumbing and basic carpentry.  I always admired dad’s ability to fix just about anything.  After graduating from college, God continued to lead him and he decided to pursue the ministry and enrolled in the Reformed Episcopal Seminary.   

Dad was a man of faith who sought to live what he preached.  I can tell you that he does not want us to mourn his loss, but to celebrate that he is with the Lord who he lived for and in the heaven he preached about.   

A Legacy of Love

While he was a seminary student, Bethany Temple Church in Philadelphia was looking for an assistant pastor and offered him the position. This led to the most momentous meeting of his life, next to the Lord.  Sitting in church that first Sunday was a lovely young woman by the name of Joan Walker.  Now it is important to note that Dad was 6 foot 5, and Mom is 6 foot 2.  Mom was sitting with some girlfriends and they all told my Mom, “Look at him Joan, you gotta get this guy!”  There was a receiving line to meet the new assistant pastor.  As they shook hands, Dad said, “Boy, you have cold hands.”  Mom replied without skipping a beat, “Yes, but I have a warm heart.”  Mom will tell you she fell for his smile and his dreamy eyes. 

They started dating and were married on December 27, 1958.    Next week would have been their 54^th wedding anniversary.  What a legacy of love that we can all admire! 

  

A Legacy of Ministry and Service

During Dad’s time in seminary, he took a tour for local clergy of Philadelphia Police Headquarters. The idea occurred to him that police officers come in contact with people, especially troubled youth, that normally don’t attend church and Sunday School.  Dad had a heart for kids and thought the church could do a better job helping kids and families in trouble.  So after seminary he went to the Philadelphia Police Academy.  He earned a sharpshooter award and was top in his class in judo.  He became the first ordained minister in the Philadelphia Police Department.  The Philadelphia Bulletin did an article on his work and called him “The minister with a badge.”  I was talking to Rev. Mel Floyd this week, who joined the department after my dad.  He remarked that dad was trailblazer for combining ministry with a career in law enforcement. 

Dad started out as a patrol officer in the 26^th district.  During his second year on the street he was severely injured when a drunk driver hit the police motorcycle he was riding.  He eventually recovered and finished his time on street patrol in a red car (Mom said no more motorcycles).  Later he transferred to Juvenile Aid Division where he finished out his time with the department.    He got to know pastors around the city and sought to connect troubled kids with church youth ministries. He also pastored a small church in Southwest Philadelphia, Reconciliation Church, and later St. Marks Church in Rydal. 

Out of his frustration with the huge case loads in JAD, Dad became a state parole officer.  The idea here was to get them as they are coming out, instead of when they are going in.  The case loads were smaller and it gave dad the chance to have longer contact with the men and women on parole and their families.  It was still dangerous work, especially making arrests for parole violations.   But Dad sought to make a difference in the lives of his parolees.  After Dad retired as a parole agent, worked for Montgomery County Coroner’s Office as an investigator. 

A Legacy of Fatherhood. 

As proud as I am of my dad, this is what matters most to me.  As busy as he was, Dad always had time for me. Dad was the one who taught me to ride a bike, hit and throw a baseball, fish and hunt.  He taught me how to drive.  Before I got a permit, he let me drive the family car on the church parking lot after I washed it.  Mom wasn’t thrilled with this, especially when he was in the kitchen while I drove. He taught tune up my first car, a 68 Plymouth satellite 2 door with a 318 engine. He taught me about the birds and the bees, in fact, I think we had 3 talks about that!   

Dad was a gun guy and a gadget guy.  He was a certified pistol, rifle, and shotgun instructor, a life member of the NRA, and a police firearms instructor for the Parole Department.  Dad taught me gun safety and how to shoot.  I remember many hours with him at the target range or out in the field hunting.  When I was a teenager, I developed an interest in short wave radio (I am also a gadget guy).  Once again, Dad used it as an opportunity to spend time with me.  So he suggested that we take classes to become licensed ham radio operators.  When we passed our FCC test, we sent in our applications together and got consecutive call signs, Dad was WB3HHO and I am WB3HHP. 

The most important thing God instilled in me is faith.  When I was 6 years old, one day I was sitting on my dad’s lap.  I had questions about God and he prayed with me to accept Christ as my savior.  Dad was always supportive of me and was always willing to talk about anything.  He was a big man, but always approachable. Dad had a great sense of humor.  He loved to joke and tease.  He relished that as I got older, he had more hair than me.  He was very generous and gave to his church, many missions and other causes.  He also helped many people quietly through the years. 

Dad was so excited when I proposed to Phyllis.  He took to her right away and said she was the daughter he never had.  He loved her as his own.  He loved to spoil her.  He also loved getting to know Phyllis’ family, especially her brothers Joe and Steve.  And then when we started having our children, he was the proudest grandpa on the planet.  If you look at the family pictures, you can see his biggest smiles are when he is holding one of our kids.  Dad was a great prayer warrior for all of us.  Always asking what he could pray about.  He is so proud of each of his grandchildren.  He loved spending time with us in Cape May and treating us to great meals, breakfast at McGlade's, dinner at Lucky Bones or special occasions at the Washington Inn.  

Dad loved animals and especially birds and dogs.  He had a dog much of his life.  In his later years he gravitated toward schnauzers.  Dad absolutely spoiled his dog.  One friend said that if he believed in reincarnation, he would want to come back as Dad’s dog.    

Over the last 10 years dad developed a rare, genetic, nuero-muscular disease called adrenomyelone nuropathy.  In the last four years it took more and more from him.  For us as a family, living with someone with AMN is like a very long goodbye, especially since late August. But dad was very determined and fought it all the way.  But he also was clear that he wanted to leave this world on his terms.  We transferred Dad to hospice last Friday, and Dad was completely aware of what this meant.  He faced his impending death with the same guts he displayed on the streets of Phildadelphia. Over the weekend we all had times to talk to him and tell him how much we love him.  He is now free from a body that was simply giving out on him.  Thanks Dad for your legacy, I know it will continue for generations to come.   I love you and we will miss you.  

Hitting the Marriage Jackpot

The last few days have been all about the most recent Power Ball jackpot which reached over $550 million.  Unfortunately, the chances of hitting the big jackpot were calculated to be 1 in 75 million.  By comparison, your chances of being hit by lightning are only 1 in 5000. Not very good odds, to say the least.  For those of you who are married, I would like to suggest a better basket to put your eggs in.

Winning a lottery is simply a matter of luck.     You can't buy marital happiness or success, just look at how many rich people get divorced.   And let's say you did win the jack pot, I am sure you have heard the stories of how you wind up having more friends and relatives than you ever realized, and how many couples who win eventually get divorced.

Good marriages take time and work, they don't just happen.  There are no shortcuts or magic formulas. Over the years various surveys have been taken which ask happily married couples of various ages what makes their marriage so good.  Regardless of the survey or the age of the participants, the number one answer is consistently the same. And it has nothing to do with money.  The number one answer as to why couples are happily married is "my spouse is my best friend."  This answer certainly means that the husband and wife are spending plenty of quality time together, and they are making the effort required to be best friends.

So my question to you is this, how much time and effort are you investing in your marriage?

Blessings,
Dr. Paul

God's Plan for Restoration

There is a lot of talk about politics and government these days and for good reason, we are about to elect the next president.  It is important for all of us to be informed and to vote.  I started reading a book yesterday which reminded me that as important as this election is, and as important as government may be (with the understanding of our forefathers that "the government that governs best, governs least"), that the hope for restoration is not found in government.  It is found in a place populated by the people of God, flawed as they may be.  Bill Hybels in his book Courageous Leadership, lays out his vision for God's plan for restoration:
There is nothing like the local church when it's working right.  Its beauty is indescribable.  Its power is breathtaking.  Its potential is unlimited.  It comforst the grieving and heals the broken in the context of community.  It builds bridges to seekers and offers truth to the confused.  It provides resources for those in need and opens it arms to the forgotten, the downtrodden, the disillusioned.  It  breaks the chains of addicitons, frees the oppressed, and offers belonging to the marginalized of this world.  Whatever the capacity for human suffering, the church has a greater capacity for healing and wholeness. 
God's church can do what government can never do, speak to the heart in a way that changes a life. When you pray for the upcoming election, take some time to also pray for spiritual revival and awakening.  It will make all the difference.
Blessings,
Dr. Paul

A Powerful Prayer

The last few weeks have been very challenging as both of my parents were in the hospital at the same time.  Mom was scheduled for hip revision surgery and dad developed an infection and had a fall.  Mom is now home and dad is in St. Joseph's Manor.  On top of that, it is a very busy time at church as we gear up for the fall ministry season.  Throw in some fire calls, police call-outs, and you have a recipe for some long days.  Prayer has always been an important part of my life, and a great source of strength and peace when times get tough.  Recently I have been using a prayer that is very ancient and was first prayed by Patrick, the man who brought the Gospel to Ireland.  I learned of last month during the Willow Creek Leadership Summit I attended with some of our staff and leaders from Davisville Church.  Here is his prayer:
As I arise today, may the strength of God pilot me, the power of God uphold me, the wisdom of God guide me, may the eye of God look before me, the ear of God hear me, the Word of God speak for me. 
May the hand of God protect me, the way of God lie before me, the shield of God defend me, the host of God save me. May Christ shield me today.  Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me, Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me, Christ on my right, Christ on my left, Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit, Christ when I stand.  Christ in the heart of everyone who thinks of me, Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me, Christ in every eye that sees me, Christ in the ear of everyone who hears me.  Amen.  
I am not big on reciting pre-written prayers, but I hope you will find this thoughtful prayer an inspiration for your prayer relationship with God.  I am using it not to recite word for word, but to mediate on and to inspire my own prayers.
Blessings,
Dr. Paul

Young Millennials and Faith

Millennials is a term used to define people born in the late 1980's up to about 2000.  They are also known as Generation Y.  According to the Millennial Values Survey, many of the youngest Millennials are leaving their childhood faith and becoming mostly unaffiliated.  Many 18 to 24 year old Americans are rejecting religious doctrine and orthodoxy in general.  About 24 percent do not identify with any religion.
Jess Rainer recently co-authored a book on Millenials and is a member of that generation himself.  Here are some of his thoughts about this topic.  Millennials that enter churches only to find infighting and large amounts of negativity will become frustrated, leave, and avoid the church altogether. Those Millennials with minimal religious convictions will let go of them in order to maintain peace in their own lives.

I mentioned before that I am not the typical Millennial, so I see the church in a different light. The few Millennials that hold strong religious convictions desire to see the church change in a more positive, outward, and deeper theological direction. We are willing to maintain our convictions and work through disagreements in civil way in order greater God's Kingdom.

Those who match my Evangelical convictions only make up around 6 percent of the entire Millennial generation. But the other 94 percent of the our generation are not against the church or organized religion. In fact, using the very broad definition of Christian, 65 percent of the Millennials claimed it as their religious preference. Without using too many more numbers, approximately 85 percent of the Millennials are indifferent to the church.

So how do we reach Millennials with the Gospel?  Rainer's response:  There are two different groups of Millennials that churches need to be aware of: the 85 percent group and the 15 percent group. As mentioned previously, 85 percent of Millennials are not Christians. And its these non-Christian Millennials that are indifferent to the church. Churches need to understand that they are not on the radar of non-Christian Millennials. It will take an intentional effort to reach our generation.

A great place to start to reach non-Christian Millennials is to simply invite them. When asked, these Millennials will attend church with a friend.

Also try to find a way to connect the Millennials to their Christian parents. Millennials are seeking advice and guidance from their parents on a regular basis.

Additionally, leaders must be transparent, humble, and have integrity. It's these leaders that need to demonstrate the deep meaning of following Christ.

And how do we retain the 15% of Millennials who are believers?

The Christian Millennials want to see churches challenge themselves. "Church-as-usual" is no longer effective in retaining Christian Millennials. Churches need to start with deep biblical teaching. Watering down scriptural truth will only cause Christian Millennials to look for another church. There has to be an outward focus as well. Churches need to commit to investing in their communities, love the nations, and direct revenue outwardly. Christian Millennials, like their counterpart, want to see leaders who demonstrate transparency, humility, and integrity.
It's not an easy task to reach the Millennial generation. I am experiencing these difficulties first hand as I reach out to our generation with my church plant. At the same time, I am seeing a small group of younger believers start to desire deeper teaching and community involvement. One of the biggest misconceptions is Millennials are unwilling to commit themselves to the church. It's this small group that is becoming more committed each week. Millennials want to radically commit themselves to something. There is nothing more radical than a true follower of Christ.
I hope we can all commit at the very least to praying for Millennials and then add seeking to build relationships with them.
Blessings,
Dr. Paul

How Great is Our God

Instead of a written blog, I am giving you a link to a pod cast of a message I gave recently at Davisville Church and Calvary Memorial Church.  The message is How Great is Our God and is based in Psalm 139.  I hope it will inspire and inform you.  Here is the link: http://davisvillechurch.podomatic.com/player/web/2012-08-05T16_50_05-07_00

Blessings,
Dr. Paul

Olympic Counter Culture Sexuality

I have been enjoying the Olympics over the last 2 weeks.  It is amazing to watch what these athletes can do.  And they make it look so easy.  One of the Team USA olympians getting a lot of attention is Lori "Lolo" Jones.  She is an accomplished athlete who has won 3 NCAA titles, 11 All-American honors during her time at LSU running track and field.  She competed in the 2008 Olympics in the 100 meter hurdles and did the same this year    just coming short of getting a bronze medal.  There is a lot of drama surrounding her place on the team leading up to her race.  

But what many in the media focused on in the days leading to her competition was not her athletic ability, but her virginity.  Just like Tim Tebow, the media seems amazed when any accomplished, good looking adult choses to remain abstinent.  Both of these athletes have helped to put a new face on abstinence.  And the amazement surrounding their choice reveals how countercultural the biblical view of sexuality really is.  Being a virgin isn't just a fate left for nerdy, unattractive, pathetic people who were raised by puritanical Christian parents.  It is a real choice selected by accomplished adults who are good looking, head turning attractive.  

Loir was interviewed on HBO and said this about her decision to remain abstinent: “It’s just a gift I want to give my husband. But please understand this journey has been hard. There’s virgins out there and I want to let them know that it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Harder than training for the Olympics. Harder than graduating from college has been to stay a virgin before marriage. I’ve been tempted, I’ve had plenty of opportunities.”  Sounds like this is a woman who discipline, self-control, who takes biblical morality seriously.  Even when it is not an easy path to follow.  And to Lori, a path more difficult than training for the Olympics.  

God created us as sexual beings to enjoy this experience.  God, our creator, also established that the place for sex to be enjoyed is in marriage.  Why?  Is God a cosmic kill joy who gives us a desire and then limits when He says we can have it? No, and let me illustrate it by looking at the Olympics, specifically swimming.  The Olympic committee requires that each swimmer must have a clearly defined lane within which they must compete.  Why?  Imagine that there were no lane lines and when the gun sounded, swimmers jumped in from various locations on the sides and started swimming in any direction.  The result would be chaos and even injury to the swimmers.  The lane lines protect each swimmer from interference and provides the best opportunity for the swimmer to succeed.  

God has done the same thing with sexuality.  He places it in the confines of marriage to protect us from harm and to provide the best place for it to be enjoyed. Marriage protects you from sexually transmitted diseases and the guilt and pain that can come from the "one night stand" and other sexual encounters.  Sex once a couple is marriage provides a context of unconditional love and commitment for the couple.  

So instead of looking at Lori Jones as an idiot, it seems to me that she is a lot wiser than the people who seem bent on making fun of her.  

Blessings,
Dr. Paul  

Team Work

This weekend I have been enjoying some of the Olympics from London.  Watching the Olympics you see a lot about the importance of team work.  Each person doing his or her job, contributing to the effort to win a medal. As the commentator put it about one of the U.S. olympians, "He has the ability to go all the way but he has no thoughts about it now, it is all about the team." Tonight it was the men's free style swimming relay and the women's gymnastics team. And of course, we are rooting for Team USA as we look at these amazing performances!  

Team work is also essential to a family.  This was brought home to me again this weekend.  We had a medical situation with one of the grandparents.  Yes, my wife and I are in the "sandwich generation," dealing with aging parents as we move to the finish line raising our children.  Thankfully everything worked out and God was faithful.  

As I reflect on everything that happened, it was such a blessing to see the members of my family work together as a team.  It is great to know that  your spouse and your kids have your back and are willing to step up and do what needs to be done.  Times of adversity and stress will show what your family is made of.  So often the commentators for the various olympic events talk about how the difference in the athlete's performance comes down to how the person deals with stress.  

So let me ask you a question, how does your family handle adversity? When times get stressful, do you pull together or get pulled apart?  My family is far from perfect, but what helps us pull together is our shared commitment to Jesus.  This gives us a common foundation to build on as we all seek to put Jesus first and not ourselves.  I suggest to you that if your family gets pulled apart during times of difficulty, that your family needs a deeper connection to God before those times arise, so that you are better equipped to deal with them when they happen. 

Blessings,

Dr. Paul

The Latest Dsicovery "Proving" Evolution

Normally I don't comment on matters of science but earlier this week ABC News reported that scientists report discovering the "god particle." The god particle is what gives all matter in the universe its size and shape. They discovered it while smashing atoms together, breaking them down into their sub-atomic components.  When the two protons are smashed together, resulting in a tremendous release of energy and sub-atomic particles, this "god particle" is right there.  And this particle is supposed to be at the heart of the "Big Bang Theory."  The Big Bang Theory postulates that 13.7 billion years ago the universe rapidly expanded to eventually become the world as we know it.  This particle puts the bang into the big bang by supplying the energy needed to drive start the bang.
What does this matter to a pastor and family counselor?  Well, if evolution is true, then the Bible is false.  And if the Bible is false, I need to find a new profession.  Am I concerned that it is time to start checking the help-wanteds?  Not at all.  Here are some questions that evolutionist never seem to answer:
1.  Where did the god particle come from?  According to the laws of thermodynamics, it could come from nothing.  Seems to me you need a creator for that. 
2.  How can anything as intricate, complex, and ordered be the result of an explosion?   When you look at any explosion, it results in disorder, not order.  Oops, there's are those pesky laws of thermodynamics again. 
3.  Here is a new one just for the good people at the labs which discovered the god particle.  How did this explosion in your labs happen in the first place?  Was it a random, change event that took place on its own?  Not hardly, scientists worked for years creating the conditions for this to take place.  In other words, it took intelligent minds with a purpose to actually create this explosion.  Seems to me this, at the very least, supports the theory of intelligent design. 
So I will continue to live very secure that God is, and He is the creator of all that exists. 
Blessings,
Dr. Paul

Supporting Our Troops

USA Today reports on a disturbing new Pentagon finding that the second leading cause of death for our troops deployed in Afghanistan and Iraq is suicide, second only to combat itself.  According to this report, since 2010, more soldiers die from suicide than traffic accidents, heart disease, cancer, homicide and other forms of death.  Suicides are happening at a rate of about 1 per day this year.  There were 154 confirmed or suspected suicides this year through June 3, while 127 soldiers died in Afghanistan.  Last year, 26% of military deaths took place in combat, 20% by suicide, and 17% in traffic accidents.  The percentage of suicide in 2005 was 10% lower compated to today.  Secretary of Defense, Leon Panetta, told Congress that he has directed all of the militray branches to "immediately look at that situation and determine what's behind it, what's causing it, and what we can do to make sure it doesn't happen."  He went on to say that suicide is "one of the most complex and urgent problems" he has to deal with.  This year the army alone is spending $75 million to understand why it is happening and what to do about it. 

In my ministry with Insight Christian Counseling and at Davisville Church I have worked with a number of soldiers who have come back from the front who have struggled with depression and suicide.  Just last week I was contacted by the parents of a 21 year old Marine who just completed his first combat tour.  Thankfully he is not struggling with suicide, but he is very depressed and very anxious compared to how he was prior to going into combat.  What strikes me as I talk to people in the military is how unequipped it is to deal with these issues.  In the USA Today article, Army Col. Carl Castro is quoted as saying, "We were slow to react (at first) because we weren't sure it was an anomoly or it was a real trend.  Then it just takes time to program the money and get the studies up and going.  Everything we do in suicide prevention, there's no evidence it works."  What a striking admission from the man who is leading the army's efforts to find effective forms of treatment and prevention. 

Pray for me as I work with this young Marine, and pray for all of our troops as many of them will be returning to life here in the US or leaving the military and adjusting to civilian life.  There are answers, and they are found in God and His word.  I have seen God transform a depressed, suicidal, angry soldier into a someone who is at peace with himself and a blessing to others. 

Blessings,
Dr. Paul

The Ugly Reality of Sex Trafficing

If you ever take a moment think about places in the world where girls and young women are forced into prostitution, what country comes to mind?  Maybe a country like Thailand, or Cambodia, or some other third world location.  But let's take a look at the United States.  Our government estimates that between 14,000 and 18,000 people are trafficked in the United States each year.  The Department of Justice estimated in 2005 that approximately 150,000 girls and young women had been forced to labor as sex slaves since 2001.  In New York city alone, thousands of women are sold for sex every day.  Assistant District Attorney Lauren Hersh recently indicted 32 gang members who targeted young girls from a Brooklyn playgroud and then used them to recruit their peers from school.  The sex trafficking unit she leads also successfully prosecuted a school mom who was coercing students to sell sex over the internet. 
Child prostitution is a problem the FBI says is getting worse. "The money involved in prostituting children is much higher than just regular prostitution," said FBI agent John Gillies. Morgan Perry, a Christian, is the executive producer of the recently-released documentary entitled Sex and Money. She found that the average age of entry for a prostitute in the United States is 12-years-old, 12 to 13.  So we're looking anywhere from 11 to 17- years-old. Every once in a while, the public hears about human trafficking in the U.S., like the raids that took place in October in 36 cities. Nearly 1,600 agents and officers worked together to bring federal and state charges against 691 suspects. According to the Children at Risk website, globally around 800,000 people are trafficked each year and become victims of commercial sex exploitation and forced labor. Eighty percent of these victims are women and children.

Many people are surprised to hear that human trafficking is such a big problem in the United States.

"We were shocked to discover that the same injustice was happening in our own backyards," the documentary's narrator explained. "Across America, thousands of children are bought and sold for sex each day. Meanwhile, most Americans are completely oblivious to this form of modern- day slavery."

"We've definitely found that it's a greater problem than what we were expecting," Perry said. "We've had a hard time solidifying statistics at first, because research in the United States is not as collected as international statistics so we have found that 100,000 to 300,000 American children are sex slaves in the United States, and that's a very big statistic for us, so that's hit home." The FBI says pimps are advertising more on social networking sites, including Facebook and MySpace, to attract the children.

"The Internet's being used widely now for juvenile prostitution," said one undercover police officer. "The girls of you know, the pimps, the handlers have now taken it off the street where it can be seen and have now concealed it on the Internet."

According to Jimmy Lee, Executive Director of Restore, a New York city based ministry that provides long term shelter for women who have been rescued out of sex trafficking, public education, federal law, and better law enforcement all provide a part of the solution.  Lee says it is primarily the church that needs to step in.  For starters, the church can contend against the cultural influences that make prostitution a viable industry: pornography, poverty, commercializaiton of sex in the media, and break-down of the family.  "As a Christian organization, we are able to offer true hope that other organizations can't provide.  We provide the option to know the Lord," says Lee. 

What can you as an individual do?  Get informed, and support through your prayers and finances ministries that are working to help these women escape from this modern day slavery.  Let your state and national leaders know that you are concerned and raise their awareness of this problem. 

Blessings,

Dr. Paul

Living Together Before Marriage

I have always been against couples living together prior to marriage. My problem with it is three fold. First, it is against the teaching of Jesus and other places in scripture. Second, there are many practical reasons why it is a bad idea (allows the guy not to make a true, lasting commitment, it puts too much emphasis on performance, and it makes the relationship based on condition rather than unconditional love, just to name three). Third, all fo the studies show that couples who live together first have more and deeper conflict, have worse sex lives, and have a higher divorce rate compared to couples who marry first.
Recently the New York Times featured an interesting article on the topic. Now I never thought I would encourage people to read the NYT, and I don't agree with everything the author says, but she makes some good points that are worth reading. http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/15/opinion/sunday/the-downside-of-cohabiting-before-marriage.html?pagewanted=1&_r=3&ref=general&src=me


Blessings,
Dr. Paul

A Mother's Decision

Here is a mother's true story that involved a decision of life and death.

Pam and her husband Bob were serving as missionaries to the Philippines and praying for a fifth child. They made a pledge to God that if they were given a son, they would name him Timothy and raise him to be a preacher.

Pam then contracted amoebic dysentery, an infection of the intestine caused by a parasite from contaminated food or drink. After going into a coma, she was treated with strong antibiotics … before they discovered she was pregnant. Doctors urged her to abort the baby for her own safety and told her that the medicines had caused irreversible damage to her baby. Despite nearly losing her baby four different times, Pam refused an abortion, citing her Christian faith as the source of her hope that her son would be born without the predicted devastating disabilities.

Pam spent the last two months of her pregnancy in bed before giving birth to a healthy baby boy on August 14, 1987. Pam's youngest son is indeed a preacher. He preaches in prisons, makes hospital visits, and serves with his father's ministry in the Philippines. He also plays a little football. You may have heard of Pam and Bob's son: Tim Tebow, quarterback for the Denver Broncos.

Blessings,

Dr. Paul

A Profoundly Moving Film

This weekend my wife and I went to see one of the most profoundly moving films I have ever seen. To be honest, I don't go to see that many movies due to the poor quality and the high prices. This movie was an exception, a big exception. The movie is October Baby, and it touched me on an emotional and spiritual level that rarely happens to me. The movie is about a young woman who discovers that her medical and emotional problems are rooted in the fact that she survived a failed abortion. I don't want to say much more about the plot in case you have the opportunity to see it.

I hope you will take the time to see a movie that will touch your heart and leave you with many toughest about the price our nation pays for abortion on demand and the impact it has on the lives of the women who abort their child.

Blessings,

Dr. Paul

Government Tyranny

I never thought I would see this day, a day when the federal government would violate the freedom of religion by forcing a church to go against it's religiously based moral beliefs. The Obama administration is vehemently seeking to enforce its view of health care on every business and institution in America, including churches. Obama Care includes insisting that employers pay for birth control and abortifacients. The problem is that the Roman Catholic Church does not believe that birth control is morally proper. This is a not a matter of convenience, money, or the whim of the church. It is a matter of faith. The bishops are holding firm in their opposition to being forced to pay for something that goes against their beliefs, and so they should. Recently the Obama administration told the media they are looking for a compromise. But last Friday night they unloaded a further expansion of their policy to include all catholic institutions including day care centers, colleges, etc.

I am obviously not a Roman Catholic priest, and I personally have no problem with people of faith choosing to use birth control. But I respect the Roman Catholic Church's right to hold this belief. It is too bad our current President does not. This is the first time in American history that a President has tried to force his views on a church to go against their beliefs. If the American people allow this, there will eventually be no limit to what the government will dictate to people of faith. So much for the Constitution and freedom of religion.

Blessings,

Dr. Paul

The Beginning of the End for Planned Parenthood

Recently there was a lot of uproar over the decision by Susan G. Koman Foundation to tell Planned Parenthood that once the current grants in their pipeline end, they would not process any new ones them. This is very common in the nonprofit world as foundations pick and choose who they want to support. The purpose of Koman is to fight breast cancer, but Planned Parenthood does very few mammograms. What Planned Parenthood does very well is perform over 300,000 abortions a year, which bring in over $150 million a year. After the New York Times ran a story about this, many pro-abortion politicians and others put pressure on Koman to reverse their decision. Koman eventually bowed to the pressure and said that Planned Parenthood could apply for future grants. Why does this signal the beginning of the end for Planned Parenthood? For one thing, more people are learning the truth about this organization, that it is really a business, a business that does little with women's health, and vehemently opposes giving women any information about fetal development which could reduce its 90% kill rate for unborn children who find themselves in a Planned Parenthood facility. In addition, six states are cutting off funding for the organization, is facing a congressional investigation, and it may be one election from losing the $300 million it gets from the federal government. This would be a victory for the family, and for the hundreds of thousands of unborn children who are killed at its hands every year.

Blessings,

Dr. Paul

You Go Girl!

I don't fall off my chair any more. After 26 plus years of pastoral ministry and counseling, I have heard it all when it comes to how people deal with life, relationships, etc. This morning I was watching Good Morning America and it happened, I fell off my chair! I can't remember the last time this happened. Let me refer you to this link for you to read and see for yourself what happened: http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/entertainment/2012/02/victorias-secret-model-quits-to-reserve-body-for-my-husband/.
In an era where many women seem to feel that exposing more is better, I gotta say this young lady has gained my respect and admiration! If you have a daughter, get her to read and see this story about Kylie Bisutti. Now I am waiting to see the flack she will get for taking this stand. Ladies, how about standing with her?
Blessings,
Dr. Paul

Staying Connected To Your Spouse

Life is busy, time is short, the tyranny of the urgent always seems to be in the way, and what suffers is often my marriage. Sound familiar? So what is a married couple to do? Many couples simply drift slowly apart as they get so caught up in the business of life. When communication does happen, it is often on a surface level, or about who has to be where and other family logistics. Here are two ways to measure how connected you really are. First, ask yourself when was the last time you and your spouse had a meaningful conversation that went to the level of your feelings and your spiritual condition, when you were really vulnerable with your spouse in what you said? The second measure is to ask when was the last time you and your spouse went out on a date and did something fun without the kids? If your answer to either of these was more than two weeks, you are headed for trouble. "But you don't know how busy we are!" I am a full time pastor, I run a counseling ministry, and I respond to fire calls as a member of my local fire company. Do you really want to say you are busier than me?

So what is my answer for staying connected to your spouse. Carve out time to spend together, and make your marriage a priority. In addition to getting out on a date, or making time to communicate on a deeper level, let me suggest one other way to stay connected. Get away together for an overnight. My wife and I went for a get away together in Cape May for her birthday. Nothing fancy, just time spent together. I am writing this on the day we got back. And I can tell you, this was a nice shot in the marriage arm to deepen our sense of connection with each other. Even if you aren't feeling disconnected, or can't afford to get away, ship the kids to the grandparents, and spend a day together. Don't make the mistake of saying that once the kids are off to college, then we will spend time on our marriage. If you do, you will wind up sitting across from me in my office lamenting that you and your spouse don't know each other anymore. So, what are you going to do to reconnect with your spouse?

Blessings,

Dr. Paul

How To Know How Godly You Really Are

I find it interesting that most people consider themselves to be a good person. If you ask just about anyone if they are basically good, and if they expect to go to heaven, they will say yes, or at least, they hope to get to heaven. Probe a little further, and they will tell you that even though they are not perfect and don't always do the right thing, the good outweighs the bad in their life. So is everyone good? According to the Bible, we are not, For all have sinner and fallen short of the glory of God, Romans 3:23. You may not want to accept this truth from God's word, so here is the proof from your own life. If you really want to know how godly you really are, think about how you act when no one is looking. You are by yourself, or you are away from home in another community, state, or country. What do you find tempting, and how much do you respond to that temptation? The answer you give tells you how godly you really are. Here is another test, ask yourself how you act and think when you are dealing with stress and difficulty in your life. When you are under stress, you will automatically default to who you really are. Any ungodliness in your life will come front and center for all to see.

So how godly are you? If you are like me, not as godly as you thought!

Blessings,

Dr. Paul

New Beginnings: 3 Scriptures

After posting such a negative sounding article, I thought I would start the New Year on a much more hopeful note. One of the most encouraging truths of the Bible is the fact that God is the God of new beginnings. Maybe for you, 2011 was a year where you fell into some serious sin. God has an answer for that. In first John 1:9 we read, If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. Notice that He promises to cleanse us not from some of our sin, or most of our sin, but ALL of our sin. The key is having a relationship with God and confessing our sin to Him.

Perhaps 2011 was a year when a lot of things didn't go well for you. God has a message for you as well. In Philippians 3:13-14 Paul writes, But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. You can't change the past, you can only decide to follow a better path today by renewing your commitment to Christ and seeking after Him.

As we begin a New Year, I want to share one of my favorite promises of God's word from Jeremiah 29:11, For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare, and not for calamity, to give you a future and a hope. I can think of no better way to look forward to a better New Year, confessing our sin, pressing forward to be more like Christ, and doing so with hope!

Blessings,

Dr. Paul