Staying Connected To Your Spouse

Life is busy, time is short, the tyranny of the urgent always seems to be in the way, and what suffers is often my marriage. Sound familiar? So what is a married couple to do? Many couples simply drift slowly apart as they get so caught up in the business of life. When communication does happen, it is often on a surface level, or about who has to be where and other family logistics. Here are two ways to measure how connected you really are. First, ask yourself when was the last time you and your spouse had a meaningful conversation that went to the level of your feelings and your spiritual condition, when you were really vulnerable with your spouse in what you said? The second measure is to ask when was the last time you and your spouse went out on a date and did something fun without the kids? If your answer to either of these was more than two weeks, you are headed for trouble. "But you don't know how busy we are!" I am a full time pastor, I run a counseling ministry, and I respond to fire calls as a member of my local fire company. Do you really want to say you are busier than me?

So what is my answer for staying connected to your spouse. Carve out time to spend together, and make your marriage a priority. In addition to getting out on a date, or making time to communicate on a deeper level, let me suggest one other way to stay connected. Get away together for an overnight. My wife and I went for a get away together in Cape May for her birthday. Nothing fancy, just time spent together. I am writing this on the day we got back. And I can tell you, this was a nice shot in the marriage arm to deepen our sense of connection with each other. Even if you aren't feeling disconnected, or can't afford to get away, ship the kids to the grandparents, and spend a day together. Don't make the mistake of saying that once the kids are off to college, then we will spend time on our marriage. If you do, you will wind up sitting across from me in my office lamenting that you and your spouse don't know each other anymore. So, what are you going to do to reconnect with your spouse?

Blessings,

Dr. Paul