Recently two professions journals published information regarding the difference fathers make in the lives of their children. Personality and Social Psychology Review published the results of a meta-analysis of several decades of parenting studies. One interesting finding was how much a father means to his children. Kids who feel rejected by their fathers show higher rates of behavioral problems, delinquency, depression, and substance abuse more that those who feel rejected by their mothers. While rejection by a mother has negative consequences for a child, the degree of negative consequences for fathers is greater. The Journal of Early Adolescence published a study suggesting children whose fathers use an authoritative parenting style show more persistence than other children, regardless of the mother's parenting style. Persistence in these children was linked to lower rates of delinquency and greater involvement in school.
Dads, don't be too quick to think less of your role in parenting. Maybe you need to rethink your pursuit of divorce, or how much time you spend working compared to the time you spend with each of your kids, or exercising more loving authority in the lives of your children. If you have been nothing more than an impregnator of women, maybe you need to connect with the children you have abandoned. Ladies, maybe you need to rethink your pursuit of divorce, or encourage your husband in his role as a parent. Single ladies, maybe before you allow a guy to be intimate with you, you need to insist on a commitment in marriage. And maybe we need as a society need to rethink the ways we have been changing the definition of family in recent years.
Blessings,
Dr. Paul
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Don't Give Up the Ship!
I have a coffee mug on my desk that I purchased when I was in Erie, PA a couple of years ago that reads, "Don't give up the ship." The quote is from the battle flag on the USS Niagara in the Battle of Lake Erie. The words are actually the dying command of James Lawrence aboard the USS Chesapeake in a previous battle that year and placed on that battle flag by Commodore Matthew Perry who was in command of the USS Niagara. I have this mug on my desk to encourage people to fight for their marriage or not give up in whatever personal problems they face.
I recently came across a modern day example of this in a real life story, of all places, out of Hollywood. Mark Wahlberg recently received his high-school diploma after going back to school through an on-line study program for people who dropped out and want to finish their education. He also just started a charitable organization to help adults finish their high school education over the internet. Here is Mark's message, "To those student struggling every day and, most importantly, tho those who are looking for a second chance, I have a message for you: Never give up."
This can-do, never say die attitude is something I love. And is something I see throughout the pages of the Bible. You see it in the lives of men like Abraham, Moses, Joshua, David, Nehemiah, Paul, just to name a few. Here are two quotes from Paul that reflect this. The first is from the Book of Galations (6:9), "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." The other is from the Book of Philippians (3:13-14), "But one this I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
Notice what gives Paul the hope to keep pressing on and not give up. It is not his own strength or ability, it is his relationship with God. If it is just up to me, I have no guarantee of success. But if it is reliance on an all powerful, all knowing, and all present God, then there is no question that His plan for my life will happen, and it will be for His glory and my blessing. Notice also that Paul is living for someone and something much bigger than himself and his own agenda. His is living for God and His plan. As you seek to press on, and not give up your ship, who are you relying on and who are you living for?
Blessings,
Dr. Paul
I recently came across a modern day example of this in a real life story, of all places, out of Hollywood. Mark Wahlberg recently received his high-school diploma after going back to school through an on-line study program for people who dropped out and want to finish their education. He also just started a charitable organization to help adults finish their high school education over the internet. Here is Mark's message, "To those student struggling every day and, most importantly, tho those who are looking for a second chance, I have a message for you: Never give up."
This can-do, never say die attitude is something I love. And is something I see throughout the pages of the Bible. You see it in the lives of men like Abraham, Moses, Joshua, David, Nehemiah, Paul, just to name a few. Here are two quotes from Paul that reflect this. The first is from the Book of Galations (6:9), "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." The other is from the Book of Philippians (3:13-14), "But one this I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
Notice what gives Paul the hope to keep pressing on and not give up. It is not his own strength or ability, it is his relationship with God. If it is just up to me, I have no guarantee of success. But if it is reliance on an all powerful, all knowing, and all present God, then there is no question that His plan for my life will happen, and it will be for His glory and my blessing. Notice also that Paul is living for someone and something much bigger than himself and his own agenda. His is living for God and His plan. As you seek to press on, and not give up your ship, who are you relying on and who are you living for?
Blessings,
Dr. Paul
Sunday, October 6, 2013
How Do You Define Love?
How do you define love? I do a lot of pre-marital counseling and I always ask this question of couples preparing for their married life together. I hear a lot about feelings, meeting each others needs, giving, caring, and understanding. Couples often talk about how they fell in love. The idea of falling in love is one of the most ridiculous ideas conveyed in our popular culture. You don't fall in love, you fall in ditches, potholes, trenches, and man holes without a cover. The idea of falling in love conveys the idea of something happening to both people in a dating relationship, like some kind of force or power or emotion that comes over them. Now I am all for romance, and the excitement of meeting someone and growing to love them. The problem with the idea of falling in love is that if you fall in love, you can just as easily fall out of love, with no sense of commitment or personal responsibility. Love is really all about choice, you chose to love to love someone and act in ways that are consistent with that decision. Certainly you may find yourself attracted to someone more than other people you may meet. And that initial attraction will cause you to pursue a relationship with him or her.
When it comes to a definition of love, I think the best one ever written is found in the New Testament, in the book of 1 Corinthians, chapter 13. As you read it, look at how much of what is described has to do with commitment, choices, actions, and how much has to do with emotion. Let me share it with you: Love is patient, love is kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it odes not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. when I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three, but the greatest of these is love.
I don't know about you, but I have never found a better understanding of love. Of course, the next challenge is to put it into practice.
Blessings,
Dr. Paul
When it comes to a definition of love, I think the best one ever written is found in the New Testament, in the book of 1 Corinthians, chapter 13. As you read it, look at how much of what is described has to do with commitment, choices, actions, and how much has to do with emotion. Let me share it with you: Love is patient, love is kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it odes not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. when I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three, but the greatest of these is love.
I don't know about you, but I have never found a better understanding of love. Of course, the next challenge is to put it into practice.
Blessings,
Dr. Paul
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Teens and Social Media
I just read some interesting statistics on how much our teens are saturated with social media in our culture today. According to the Center for Media Research, 90% of 13 to 17 year-olds have used some form of social media. 75% currently have a profile on a social networking site, and 20% have a Twitter account. The most popular place for social media is Facebook, with 68% saying they use it as their primary social networking platform. Regarding their daily habits, 68% text every day, 51% visit social networking sites daily, 11% send or receive tweets at least once a day, and 34% visit their main social networking site several times a day. Keep in mind, that none of this is texting, just social media.
Educators are noticing that the proliferation of texting and social media is having an impact on the way children write. Instead of writing complete sentences, shortened phrases with abbreviations are creeping into the way kids write. Also, penmanship seems to be suffering as well since kids are using keyboards and cellphone buttons instead of pen and paper.
For parents, it is vitally important for you to put limits on what your kids are doing on social media. At what age do you think it is appropriate for your child to begin using social media, and what forms are acceptable to you? This also means putting time limits on what they are doing, both in the amount of time spent, as well as when and how late your kids can be using it. You should also give them guidance on what is acceptable and not regarding content. Sexting (sending sexually provocative pictures) is an obvious example, but teaching your kids to be careful about communicating personal information is also important. Take time to teach your children manners regarding their use of social media when they are around other people. Finally, I strongly recommend that you be told of any and all social media outlets your kids are using and have 24-7 access to all of it.
Blessings,
Dr. Paul
Educators are noticing that the proliferation of texting and social media is having an impact on the way children write. Instead of writing complete sentences, shortened phrases with abbreviations are creeping into the way kids write. Also, penmanship seems to be suffering as well since kids are using keyboards and cellphone buttons instead of pen and paper.
For parents, it is vitally important for you to put limits on what your kids are doing on social media. At what age do you think it is appropriate for your child to begin using social media, and what forms are acceptable to you? This also means putting time limits on what they are doing, both in the amount of time spent, as well as when and how late your kids can be using it. You should also give them guidance on what is acceptable and not regarding content. Sexting (sending sexually provocative pictures) is an obvious example, but teaching your kids to be careful about communicating personal information is also important. Take time to teach your children manners regarding their use of social media when they are around other people. Finally, I strongly recommend that you be told of any and all social media outlets your kids are using and have 24-7 access to all of it.
Blessings,
Dr. Paul
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