What happened to Thanksgiving with your family? What happened to being content with what you have? What happened to being polite? It seems to me we have definitely lost our way this Thanksgiving. Stores are now opening on Thanksgiving day and evening as a way to lure shoppers in and boost sales. Great for the store, not great for the employees, and I would argue, not worth it for customers. Is it really worth sacrificing precious time with family just to get the 50 inch, non-name brand TV on a super sale? If you think it is, that's your choice, but what about the people forced to sacrifice their family time so that you can get your bargain? We live in a society where people are increasingly disconnected to their family, their neighbors, and to meaningful relationships.
Then there is all of the goodwill expressed by some people as they compete to get the prized bargain. I watched news reports of people who seem to have lost their mind so they don't lose their chance at getting what they think they must have. A bunch of people fighting in a Walmart leading to one woman fighting the police and being arrested, all on video. A store worker trampled in a K-Mart. Our local Franklin Mills Mall featured to women fighting and one pulling a taizer on the other. It was a WWE level brawl. My favorite is the story out of Georgia of two men fighting over a parking spot, one man hitting the other, and the guy getting hit pulling a knife and stabbing his assailant. Both men are now in jail. Happy Thanksgiving fellows!
Is this really worth it? Can't we make the decision to put family first? Do you need whatever it is so bad that you are willing to go to jail over it? For what its worth, I made the decision to not patronize any store open on Thanksgiving this week. I hope more people will chose to do the same. But more important, I hope you will think about the value of relationships over stuff, even stuff on sale.
Blessings,
Dr. Paul
Saturday, November 30, 2013
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Who's To Blame for the Problems in Your Marriage?
Take a moment and think about whatever problems and frustrations you have in your marriage. Who's to blame for these problems? What got me thinking about this was a recent quote from Tim Keller, "Marriage does not so much bring you into confrontation with your spouse as confront you with yourself." I love this! Most of the time when couples come to see me for counseling, the focus is on the deficits and failures of the other spouse. "He/she doesn't listen, he/she doesn't meet my need for _________________, if only he/she would do _____________ our marriage would be so much better, etc. What I love about Keller's quote is how it stops this in its tracks and forces you think about your entire approach to the problems in your marriage. Instead of putting the focus on what your spouse is doing or not doing, the focus is put on what actions and attitudes you need to deal with in your own heart and life.
People in counseling often ask me, "Why is it so difficult to get along with my spouse? How come I can get along with others easier than my spouse?" Let me say first that it is not an issue of mutual compatibility. I can prove that by the people I have counseled who are in their second marriage. Unless we are dealing with issues of physical abuse or substance abuse by their spouse, they admit that the struggles they had in their prior marriage they are having in their current marriage. I would suggest to you that there are two main reasons why it is harder to get along with the person you married. First of all, you are sharing your life with this person and there is no pay check hanging over you to keep you in line. You can be fired at work for losing it, but not at home. Second, as the Keller quote suggests, the struggles you have with your spouse bring out the issues you have to address in your own heart more than anyone else. Your anger, laziness, self-centeredness, impatience, etc. are all exposed more in your marriage than in any other relationship. To reference another favorite author, Gary Thomas, God designed marriage more to make us holy than to make us happy. God wants to produce the fruits of the Spirit in your life, which are described in Galations 5:22-23 as love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. How about that as a list of qualities to have in your life? Guess what one of the primary places where God is at work to produce those fruits and to see them evident? Yep, in your marriage and in your home. If you are having a hard time with your spouse right now, take the focus off of him/her, and put it on yourself and ask God to show you how He is trying to confront you with yourself.
Blessings,
Dr. Paul
People in counseling often ask me, "Why is it so difficult to get along with my spouse? How come I can get along with others easier than my spouse?" Let me say first that it is not an issue of mutual compatibility. I can prove that by the people I have counseled who are in their second marriage. Unless we are dealing with issues of physical abuse or substance abuse by their spouse, they admit that the struggles they had in their prior marriage they are having in their current marriage. I would suggest to you that there are two main reasons why it is harder to get along with the person you married. First of all, you are sharing your life with this person and there is no pay check hanging over you to keep you in line. You can be fired at work for losing it, but not at home. Second, as the Keller quote suggests, the struggles you have with your spouse bring out the issues you have to address in your own heart more than anyone else. Your anger, laziness, self-centeredness, impatience, etc. are all exposed more in your marriage than in any other relationship. To reference another favorite author, Gary Thomas, God designed marriage more to make us holy than to make us happy. God wants to produce the fruits of the Spirit in your life, which are described in Galations 5:22-23 as love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. How about that as a list of qualities to have in your life? Guess what one of the primary places where God is at work to produce those fruits and to see them evident? Yep, in your marriage and in your home. If you are having a hard time with your spouse right now, take the focus off of him/her, and put it on yourself and ask God to show you how He is trying to confront you with yourself.
Blessings,
Dr. Paul
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