Why Dad's Matter

Today our society does a lot to undermine the importance of dads and men.  Our culture has been overly feminized.  We don't let boys be boys.  The media men often portrays men as either over violent killing and mayhem machines, or as bumbling idiots who need to be corrected or rescued by their wives or children.  There are women who chose to have a child without a father.  Or in the attempt to redefine marriage in the so-called “gay marriage” movement, you will have children adopted and raised by two women.  When God designed marriage and family, He designed it to be a man and a woman who commit to the covenant of marriage, and then, as God wills, have children.  Every child needs a mom and a dad.  Every child. 

Let me illustrate this.  A few years ago I was speaking on family issues at Sandy Cove in Maryland.  A woman came up to me after my presentation to talk to me about her grandson.  She brought him for the kids program hoping it would help him.  He was doing poorly in school, he was hanging with a bad crowd, got caught with pot, and admitted to drinking.  In tears she asked me what she could do to help him.  I said, “Before I answer your question, let me ask a couple of questions. First, where is his dad?”  She said, “He has been out of the picture for many years now.  How did you know to ask that question?” 

Where’s dad?  Men, you have a vital role to play in your marriage, in your family, and in our society, and don’t let anyone diminish that.  Research in early childhood development has discovered that even dad’s rough housing with their children is vitally important to their development.  Researchers from the University of Newcastle in Australia found that between the ages of 2.5 to 5, dad’s playing with their kids and being rough and tumble with them helps their brains develop the ability to manage emotion, thinking, and their physical body.  Self-regulation, and the ability of children to learn discipline is a key stage in their development and has important implications for their later adult years.  Scientists have also discovered that oxytocin, the chemical that is released in a child when it is nursing with his mother, is also released when dads play rough and tumble with their children.

So men, dads, don't let anyone tell you that you don't matter, you do.  Let me end with these words of challenge from Nehemiah, chapter 4, Don't be afraid.  Remember the Lord your God who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes.

Blessings,

Dr. Paul  

The Power of Forgiveness

     I spend a lot of time reading various journals and articles describing the latest research on marriage and family.  Over the years I have found it fascinating how many secular studies wind up confirming insights and principles found in the Bible.  The latest of these has to do with the role of forgiveness in marriage.  I happen to be certified to use a marriage and pre-marital evaluation tool called Prepare-Enrich.  This tool was developed by Dr. David Olsen, a faculty member of the University of Minnesota.
     One of the relationship categories this tool measures is forgiveness, the ability of the couple to give and receive forgiveness following a hurt, conflict, or betrayal.  After thousands of these evaluations, here is what the Prepare-Enrich team has concluded:
"Forgiveness has been found to be a very significant component in the relationships of happy couples. In a study of over 7,000 married couple who took PREPARE/ENRICH, 87% of Vitalized couples (a vitalized couple has a very strong relationship with a very low probability of divorce) had high scores in forgiveness indicating it to be a relationship strength.  Devitalized couples (a devitalized couple has a very poor relationship with a high probability of divorce) had low scores in forgiveness indicating this was a growth area in their relationship."
     What Dr. Olsen is pointing out is that strong couples have a higher ability to give and receive forgiveness.  And this happens to line up with one of the most important relationship principles of the Bible.  Scripture is full of references to the importance and power of forgiveness.  In Colossians 3:12-13 Paul says, "Put on then, ... compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other, as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive." Try applying this truth to your marriage and you will find yourself in a much stronger relationship.
Blessings,
Dr. Paul

Celebrating Mom

Today we celebrate the important role that mothers play in all of our lives.  For some of us, it can be a day of mixed emotions as you may lave lost your mom and miss her.  And there are some women who have lost a baby recently or long to have a child but have not been able to conceive.  However, we don't want to take away from who are mom's are and what they do for us.  Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived, wrote the book of Proverbs and in his closing chapter, wrote of a godly, righteous mother.  Abraham Lincoln said that all he was, and hoped to become, was because of his mom.
A young girl was asked one day, "Where is your home."  Her answer, "Wherever my Mommy is."  I think that says it all.

Blessings,
Dr. Paul

More Judicial Insanity

In April US Federal Judge Edward Korman issued a ruling that the "morning after" abortion pill should be made available, without prescription, to any young woman of any age.  Last week the Obama administration's FDA leadership determined that it should be made available to girls as young as 15 years of age.  While this makes more sense than Judge Korman's ruling, this is still judicial insanity in my mind.  In addition to this medicine being made available over-the-counter, there is no requirement that the child have the parent's permission.
My wife substitutes as a school nurse and whenever a child comes to her office wanting an aspirin or a tylenol, she has to look up whether the parent has given prior permission for their child to have it.  If not, she has to call the parent and seek their permission over the phone before she can give it to the child.  Seems to make perfect sense to me.  But not to our government when it comes to abortion on demand, parental rights, and doing what is morally correct.
It really comes down to this, while my child can't get something as harmless as an aspirin in school without my permission, this idiot federal judge has ruled that my child can decide for herself to take a powerful, body altering, life destroying drug with my knowledge or consent!  Just one more example of how off our nation's moral compass has become and how far down the moral sewer we continue to descend.
I hope parents will take time to contact their members of Congress to demand that this order be overturned through common sense, morally responsible, parent respecting legislation.
Blessings,
Dr. Paul

Appreciating Those Who Run In

Last week was a difficult week for our nation.  For our first responders, police officers, fire fighters, emergency medical technicians, each group experienced loss of a brother or sister.  Most of the people killed in the West, Texas explosion were volunteer fire fighters and EMT's.  Police officer Sean Collier was killed by the two terrorists.

It was interesting to me to see the reaction of the people from Westfield and Boston when the last terrorist was caught.  People were cheering and chanting in celebration.  As police cars drove past, people were clapping and expressing their gratitude.  At the Boston Bruins hockey game, the players gave their jerseys to the police officers present.  They gave the shirts off their backs.

All of these expressions of gratitude are great to see.  But why does it take a tragedy for our first responders to be appreciated? These men and women stand in harm's way for us every day.  They run in while others are running out.  Their spouses never know if their loved one will come home that night.  The stress of their lives is something most people just don't understand.

So let me encourage you to do two things.  First, pray for our first responders.  When you hear a siren or see flashing lights, do what I do.  Offer a prayer for their safety.  Second, take a moment when you see an officer, an EMT, or firefighter, and thank them for their service.  Offer to buy them a cup of coffee.

Blessings,
Dr. Paul

Smart Phone Addiction

Recently I have been accused, and rightly so, of being a bit too attached to my iphone.  According to a survey by Wikia, at least 50% of young people are actively connected at least 10 hours per day, and one in four are connected within 5 minutes of waking up.  A study in 2011 found that when young people unplugged from technology for just 24 hours, the vast majority reported experiencing physical and mental symptoms of distress.  You may joke about being "addicted to your phone, but unfortunately, the symptoms of technology addiction could really be adding stress to your life.  And then I came across a study that suggests 6 signs that your smart phone is stressing you out.  So read on and ask yourself if you are a bit too attached to your's:

1.  When your phone goes off and you have to respond right away.
If unanswered texts or emails raise your heart rate, there's a good chance that your smartphone is adding stress to your life rather than making it easier.  If you are constantly interrupting what you're doing, whether its doing school work or spending quality time with your family or friends to check your phone, it might be a sign that your behavior has become compulsive.
2.  You have Phantom Cellphone Syndrome.
This is when you think your phone is vibrating in your pocket, but when you take it out, the phone was never activated.This experience is a real sign of technology addiction and it's more common than you think.  A study conducted at Indiana University found that 89% of undergrads had experienced nonexistent cellphone vibrations.
3.  You Have a Bad Case of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out).
Are you constantly thinking about what everyone else is doing and all the things you might be missing out on at any given moment?  Does scrolling through party photos and enthusiastic weekend updates on your New Feed make you feel sad or anxious?  Then you have FOMO.  You especially can experience this when you aren't able to use or get to your phone for an extended period time.
4. You Feel Restless When You Are Away From Your Phone.
This is where you experience withdrawal symptoms when you can't check your phone or respond to messages.  Studies have found that some people have symptoms similar to those experienced by drug addicts.
5.  You Aren't Paying Attention to Friends and Family
You are with your family or friends, and your phone goes off.  Instead of ignoring it, you answer or respond.  Or you find yourself checking your email or social media in the middle of dinner or some other time when you are with other people who are important to you.
6.  Poor School Performance.
If you're having an increasing difficult time focusing in class and eagerly await the ringing of the bell you that you can check your phone and return that unanswered text, an internet or smartphone addiction could be one reason for low grades.
So how did you do?  If you are like me, you realize that maybe you are a little too attached.  Just reading these can be convicting!  So what do you do about it?  If you find yourself going to bed looking at your phone, and then looking at it as soon as you get up, don't put your phone on your bedside table.  Keep it away from your bed. During the course of your day, set certain times when you will look at your phone or get on social media, and make it a point not to use your phone when you are with other people you care about.  Feeling restless? Use a coping mechanism like taking a deep breath or going for a walk to help you cope.  You can also get an app that will block your phone and online activity while you are in school or doing homework.

Time to go, I have to answer my phone.

Blessings,
Dr. Paul

The Man Cave

Last week I attended the Wildfire Men's weekend with my sons and my mother-in-law's husband.  It was great to be with them, and at an event celebrating what it means to be a man, and a man who seeks to love God and his family.  Let me tell you, this event was all testosterone.  From the guys of the Power Team bending rebar with their teeth and bare hands, to a paint ball arena, to displays for hunting, fishing, knives, the NRA, responsible investing, to seminars on self-defense, extreme sports, being a better husband and father, this weekend was like one big man cave.  Speakers included Tim Tebow and Willie Robertson (from the reality show Duck Dynasty). No flowers, no butterflies, and no feminizing of Christianity.  The theme verse for the weekend was Nehemiah 4:14, Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your homes. 
I believe that because men have not always been the godly leaders of their home and church, that the church has lost its edge, its courage, and we have replaced a manly Jesus with one who sings Kumbaya and picks daisies.  We also live in a society where it is ok to deride men.  Just look at many shows on TV today.  Men are portrayed as bungling idiots who need their wives, girlfriends, or kids to save them from themselves.  Men are viewed as weak cowards, not strong leaders. 
It is time to bring a healthy correction to the church and our society's view of men.  We need to acknowledge the unique, complementary, and important roles of both women and men.  This week I was talking to a young man who grew up without his dad present.  He entered into a life of violence and crime, but thankfully God has gotten ahold of him and he is seeking to become the father to his kids he never had.  A few years ago I was a speaker at Sandy Cove Ministries and a woman approached me afterward seeking some advice.  She came with her grandson hoping he would benefit from the great program they have for kids.  She spoke of the problems he was having at home and school, getting into fights, disrespecting his mom.  Do you know what the first question I asked her?  Where is Dad? Her reply, He left the family.  There, in a nutshell, was the basis of this boys problems. 
I was blessed to have a dad who loved me, spent time with me, and sought to be a godly example to me.  Now that he is in heaven, I have a big hole in my life and my heart.  Driving home, I thought about how great it would be to tell him about our time at Wildfire and show him some of the pictures.  That will have to wait, but in the mean time, I can carry on his legacy of manhood and seek to be the kind of dad to my sons that he was to me. 
I think it is time we men take to heart passages like Nehemiah 4:14 and be who God has created us, and called us to be.
Blessings,
Dr. Paul