Helicopter Parenting in Overdrive

     One of the parenting concerns I have that not many counselors seem to be addressing today is parents, educators, and politicians who are over-protective of children.  Certainly we need to exercise prudence and discretion, but more and more I see examples of overprotection in overdrive.  Recently a city banned sledding, schools suspending children for playing with objects that could be construed as a gun, children being banned from bringing in cupcakes or other goodies to school celebrate a birthday, a group of advocates pushing an initiative to teach kindergarten children about rape, and I could go on and on.  But recently I read an example that takes this to an even newer level of absurdity.  A Denver, Colorado couple have made the decision to move to where their daughter is attending college in Portland, Oregon and have her live with them in an off-campus apartment.  Now I lived at home while I attended Temple University to save money, but that was my choice, and my parents had no problem with me going away to school.  Here we have parents actually moving to where their child is going to school.  

     According to real estate agents and college admissions officials, there is actually a growing trend of parents choosing to move to where their child is going to college.  A Caldwell Banker realtor in Tennesee just helped a family move across the state to keep their daughter safe and on task while at school.  Next year, the young lady in Portland is considering a semester studying abroad.  And guess who is thinking of coming with her?  I just hope that her wedding night isn't too awkward!  

     Here are some of the problems I have with helicopter parenting.  First, where is trust in God's hand of protection for your child and His role in their life?  Second, do you have so little faith in the teaching and modeling you did in their formative years that it is all going to evaporate once they go away?  Third, how will your adult children learn how to cope with life on their own?   Fourth, children need to learn how to fail, how to lose, and how to get hurt.  Otherwise they will never learn how to rebound from these as independent adults.  

     I remember working with a family years ago who was having a lot of trouble with their teenage son.  His grades were dropping, he was sneaking out of the house, getting into a ton of trouble.  Every night his father would make him sit at the table and watch him do his homework.  When meeting with the son, it was clear to me that part of the problem was with his controlling, over-protective, smothering parents.  I met with Mom and Dad and suggested they back off, let him sink or swim on his own with his grades.  He was perfectly capable of getting A's again, and then I said to dad, "What are you going to do if he gets into college, move your business office into his dorm?" Apparently today that is not as crazy as I thought it once was.  By the way, the parents backed off on his school work, and after working with some heart issues in the young man's life, his grades went back up.  

Blessings,

Dr. Paul