Communication in Marriage

One of the most important building blocks of any marriage is communication. And it can also be one of the most frustrating parts of marriage. The wife says that her husband just doesn't understand her, and the husband says his wife just doesn't understand him. He says she talks too much, and she says he doesn't talk enough. Let me share one of the most helpful verses in the Bible on what makes effective communication. It is found in Ephesians 4:29 and says, Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such as word as is good for edification, according to the need of the moment, that you may give grace to those who hear you.
Let's break this verse down phrase by phrase. Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth tells us to avoid using words that negative, foul, hurtful. Cursing, demeaning words that tare down your spouse are often said in anger, in the heat of the moment, but can do a lot of harm. Conversely, we need to use only words that are good for edification. To edify is to build up, encourage, strengthen, or help the other person. So ask yourself the question, do my words tare down or build up, discourage or encourage my spouse?
God's word gives us two more important principles. Our speech must take into account timing, according to the need of the moment. Timing can make all the difference. Having a serious discussion when you and your spouse are tired, sick, under a lot of stress or pressure can all contribute to miscommunication. For example, my wife knows that after a long day of ministry I need some time to unwind, so it is best to wait an hour or so before we have a serious discussion. The last point is that you give grace to those who hear you. Grace can refer to communicating forgiveness when your spouse wrongs you in some way. Grace can also refer to your tone, where you communicate with graciousness, not harshly. Third, grace can refer to the giving of blessing to the person who you communicate.
Take some time to think through the principles God gives us in this verse. Ask your spouse how he/she thinks you are doing in each of these areas, and make a commitment to change the way you talk to the most important person in your life next to God.
Blessings,
Dr. Paul