This is the 8th Memorial Day since the attacks on our nation on September 11. As have entered the 6th year of the war in Afganistan and Iraq, each week we add more names to the list of our honored dead. As we think about our nation’s war on terror, it requires this generation of Americans to decide that freedom is worth fighting for, and even dying for. I came across these words of the first general to command an American army, General George Washington. As you think about Al-Qaeda and those who follow Islam who are committed to our destruction, I believe his words are as appropriate today as they were in 1776:
The time is now at hand which must probably determine whether Americans are to be free men or slaves, whether they are to have any property they can all their own, whether their houses and farms are to be pillaged and destroyed, and themselves consigned to a state of wretchedness from which no human efforts can deliver them.
The fate of unborn millions will now depend, under God, on the courage of this army. Our cruel and unrelenting enemy leaves us only the choice of brave resistance, or the most abject submission. We have, therefore, to resolve to conquer or die.
Washington spoke those words to his volunteer continental army. In today’s volunteer army, our heroes are not just career soldiers. They are architects, lawyers, businessmen, paramedics, police officers, fire fighters , mechanics, moms, and dads. They are men like U.S. Marine Lt. Donovan Cambell. He joined the Corps in 2004 at the age of 25. He didn’t join because he was unemployed, or unemployable. He didn’t join because he had no other options, or better future. He was a graduate of Princeton University. A school many in Lower Moreland would give anything to attend. He decided to join the Marines to fight for his country, and believed he could learn leadership skills better in the military than in the corporate world. You can read about his experienced in a book entitled, Joker One, A Marine Platoon’s Story of Courage, Leadership, and Brotherhood.
He and his 160 man unit were sent to the city of Ramadi, a city of 350,000. That meant there was one soldier for every 2,200 Iraqi’s. At one point there were so many insurgents and terrorists in that city that his unit was the most engaged in all of Iraq. By the time they left, they had suffered 50% casualties, more by percentage than any unit, Army or Marine, since Vietnam. He was asked by a reporter if he will commemorate Memorial Day differently now that he has served in two wars, Iraq and Afganistan. His reply:
Honestly, I treat every day differently now that I’ve served in two wars. I view each day as a gift, not an obligation, and I thank God for each one that I have. This Memorial Day I will pray for the fallen and their families, some of whom I know. I will take a step back from my life and thank God for all of the good things He has given me: my family, my health, my friends. I will take a few moments to reflect on the tremendous responsibility I have to live the one life I have well, for there are so many others who would love life but no longer have it.
Yes, there are many who have lost their lives, currently just over 5400 in Iraq and Afganistan. Whenever our nation is at war, we are reminded again of the cost of our freedom. Even though the number of dead is very small compared to the other wars our nation has fought, each death is a husband or wife, father, or mother, son or daughter, brother or sister to someone here. These deaths in the war on terror hover over the present, and especially for their loved ones, cast long shadows into the future.
We owe an incredible debt of gratitude to the men and women who serve our country today, and to those who have served in the past, and especially to those who have given their lives on the field of battle. Lets join with Donovan Campbell in praying for those who serve our nation, and remembering those who gave their lives. Let us live our lives well, and never forget that freedom is never free.
Blessings,
Pastor Paul
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Powerful Intimacy
Do you know what is one of the most intimate and powerful experiences you can have with your spouse? No, I am not talking about sex. How about prayer? Yes, I mean what I say. I submit to you that one of the most powerfully intimate experiences you can have with your spouse is prayer. Something happens when a husband and wife pray together.
Let me explain why I say this about prayer. Think about it for a minute. When you pray, you are saying that you need God's help, you don't have all of the answers, and there is someone bigger than yourself and your problems. That takes humility, humility you are demonstrating in front of the person you love.
When you pray, you are talking to the God of the universe about the things that matter the most to you. Nothing is more personal and more intimate than that. And when you do this in front of your spouse, you are allowing them to share in one of the most personal and intimate experiences of your life. They are able to hear what is on your heart and mind as you talk to your creator.
When you do this together, you are able to share in what is most important in your spouse's heart. So make some time to take your spouse by the hand and pray to God from your heart. I guarantee you will be closer to each other, and have a stronger marriage.
Blessings,
Dr. Paul
Let me explain why I say this about prayer. Think about it for a minute. When you pray, you are saying that you need God's help, you don't have all of the answers, and there is someone bigger than yourself and your problems. That takes humility, humility you are demonstrating in front of the person you love.
When you pray, you are talking to the God of the universe about the things that matter the most to you. Nothing is more personal and more intimate than that. And when you do this in front of your spouse, you are allowing them to share in one of the most personal and intimate experiences of your life. They are able to hear what is on your heart and mind as you talk to your creator.
When you do this together, you are able to share in what is most important in your spouse's heart. So make some time to take your spouse by the hand and pray to God from your heart. I guarantee you will be closer to each other, and have a stronger marriage.
Blessings,
Dr. Paul
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
The Biggest Casualties of Divorce
Whenever I work with a couple in the midst of separation or divorce, I always tell them that I am not going to take sides with either of them. When I take sides, it will always be with their children. There are a number of serious mistakes parents consistently make as they try to work through the implosion of their marriage. And it is the kids who are the biggest casualties whenever Mom and Dad can't or won't work through their problems and split. Kids don't chose their parents, and they are thrown into fire when Mom and Dad split.
One of the things I see constantly with parents is that they are so focused on the battle with their spouse/ex-spouse, they fail to put enough focus on the needs of their kids. The parents also put their kids in the middle by asking them for information on the other parent, or subtlely or overtly asking the kids to take sides. Or trying to manipulate the kids by putting the other parent in the worst possible light. One parent often takes the role of the disciplinarian, and the other throws out the rules and gives the kids what they want in order to placate their own guilt, or to win the kids over to their side. Parents often rush into a new romantic relationship way too soon for it to be healthy for him/herself, and definitely not healthy for the kids. They are aleardy struggling to make sense of life after the most disruptive and destructive experience of their lives, and now Mom or Dad wants to throw a new adult into the mix.
If you are a parent and are contemplating separation or divorce, or you are already in that situaiton, let me urge you to read the best book ever written on the impact of divorce on your children. It is The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce by Blakeslee, Lewis, and Wallerstein. They studied the lives of children of every age range, from infancy to young adult, for 25 years after their parents divorced. This book will not only give you a better understanding of what your kids are going through, but how to avoid common mistakes and mitigate some of the most destructive consequences for your kids.
Blessings,
Dr. Paul
One of the things I see constantly with parents is that they are so focused on the battle with their spouse/ex-spouse, they fail to put enough focus on the needs of their kids. The parents also put their kids in the middle by asking them for information on the other parent, or subtlely or overtly asking the kids to take sides. Or trying to manipulate the kids by putting the other parent in the worst possible light. One parent often takes the role of the disciplinarian, and the other throws out the rules and gives the kids what they want in order to placate their own guilt, or to win the kids over to their side. Parents often rush into a new romantic relationship way too soon for it to be healthy for him/herself, and definitely not healthy for the kids. They are aleardy struggling to make sense of life after the most disruptive and destructive experience of their lives, and now Mom or Dad wants to throw a new adult into the mix.
If you are a parent and are contemplating separation or divorce, or you are already in that situaiton, let me urge you to read the best book ever written on the impact of divorce on your children. It is The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce by Blakeslee, Lewis, and Wallerstein. They studied the lives of children of every age range, from infancy to young adult, for 25 years after their parents divorced. This book will not only give you a better understanding of what your kids are going through, but how to avoid common mistakes and mitigate some of the most destructive consequences for your kids.
Blessings,
Dr. Paul
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Are You a Peacemaker or a Source of Conflict?
Greetings from Sandy Cove! I am here at a pastor's conference to promote the ministry of Insight and to provide counseling free of charge to an pastor or couple who desire some help. The main speak during this time is Ken Sande, the founder of Peacemaker Ministries. God has used him and his organization to servce the church in helping Christians and churches to resolve conflict in a biblical fashion. He made a statement last night that really caught my ear, "Christ is the reason many people go into ministry, and conflict is what drives them out." Every pastor nodded his head in agreement, myself included.
I have counseled many discouraged pastors, talented, gifted, and called to the ministry, who are ready to call it quits because of conflict. Certainly there are pastors who are off base, power hungery, and do things to stir conflict. But in the majority of cases, the source of the conflict are certain people in the pew who thrive on conflict, especially when the dreaded "change" word is mentioned. "We've never done it that way before." "This is the way we have always done things, and this is the way we always will." Or people who just like to take pot shots at the pastor and his family. Who their friends are, how they dress, the behavior of their children, the kind of car he drives, how he uses his time, the list is endless.
So let me ask you, are you are peacemaker or a source of conflict? You may be saying to yourself, well I have never done any of the above. That is good as far as it goes, but how do you respond to others who act this way. Do you admonish them in the spirit of Galations 6:1? Do you encourage them to talk to the pastor directly if they have a problem with something, or offer to go with them? If not, then you too are contributing to a culture of conflict in your church.
Certainly when there are issues of fundamental doctrine or moral failure, the congregation and its leaders need to respond, but that is obviously not what I am talking about.
Here is something you can do right now to bless your pastor, call him and thank him for his ministry, or send him a note of encouragement. You might be the difference between a pastor who stays in the ministry, and one who throws in the towel.
Blessings,
Dr. Paul
I have counseled many discouraged pastors, talented, gifted, and called to the ministry, who are ready to call it quits because of conflict. Certainly there are pastors who are off base, power hungery, and do things to stir conflict. But in the majority of cases, the source of the conflict are certain people in the pew who thrive on conflict, especially when the dreaded "change" word is mentioned. "We've never done it that way before." "This is the way we have always done things, and this is the way we always will." Or people who just like to take pot shots at the pastor and his family. Who their friends are, how they dress, the behavior of their children, the kind of car he drives, how he uses his time, the list is endless.
So let me ask you, are you are peacemaker or a source of conflict? You may be saying to yourself, well I have never done any of the above. That is good as far as it goes, but how do you respond to others who act this way. Do you admonish them in the spirit of Galations 6:1? Do you encourage them to talk to the pastor directly if they have a problem with something, or offer to go with them? If not, then you too are contributing to a culture of conflict in your church.
Certainly when there are issues of fundamental doctrine or moral failure, the congregation and its leaders need to respond, but that is obviously not what I am talking about.
Here is something you can do right now to bless your pastor, call him and thank him for his ministry, or send him a note of encouragement. You might be the difference between a pastor who stays in the ministry, and one who throws in the towel.
Blessings,
Dr. Paul
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