How To Divorce Proof Your Marriage

A lot of couples ask me how couples wind up getting divorced, and what is behind the question is usually, how can we prevent this from happening to us? Obviously, there are a lot of different circumstances that can lead a couple to divorce. Phyiscal abuse, substance abuse, and infidelity are three obvious situations. Barring one of those marriage killers, for most couples, it comes down to either the wife or the husband not experiencing their most basic desire in marriage. And this most basic desire is different for men and for women. For the wives, it is being cherished by her husband. What does it mean to be cherished? When you cherish something or someone, you treat it with love, care, gentleness, protection. She is treated as someone very special who is of great value to her husband. For the husband, it is being respected by his wife. What does it mean to be respected? Appreciation, admiration, pride, and honor are ideas that come to mind. When you respect someone, you look up to them and consider them to be valued as well.
Don't get me wrong on this, women are also looking for respect and men are also looking for love. But when you boil it down, God has created men and women uniquely and you see this reflected in the guidance He gives for married couples in the Bible. In the famous passage on marriage in Ephesians 5, it is interesting that God commands husband to love their wives and wives to respect their husbands. One reason for this is that God understands the basic desire we each have in marriage. God is telling husbands that if you do nothing else, make sure you love your wife. And God is telling wives that if you do nothing else, make sure you respect your husband.
So how high are the cherish-respect values in your marriage? Next time I will give some ideas on how husbands can better cherish their wives, followed by how wives can better respect their husbands.
Blessings,
Dr. Paul