Why Does a Couple Break Up After So Many Years?

Today Governor Rendell and his wife announced that they are separating after 40 years of marriage. Wow, 40 years, that is a long time. Some Hollywood marriages only last 40 days. I don't know the governor and his wife, they seem nice enough, even if you don't agree with their politics or public policy. I can give some reasons why a couple may chose to separate or divorce after 2o or more years. If there is no infidelity, physical or emotional abuse, or substance abuse, it often involves a gradual erosion of the relationship. The couple may have fallen for the common myth that marriage problems will just work themselves out over time. Actually, problems get worse over time, not better. As these problems get worse, and others are added, the couple finds themselves drifting further apart.
Another reason I see is reflected in the words of this man who was married for 25 years, “We never had a very close relationship, but the kids kept us together, they were our connecting point. When they left home, it was just the two of us, with no buffers. We had nothing in common and decided it was crazy to waste the rest of our lives. So we divorced." One or both of the spouses pour themselves into their children, or their career, or a hobby, or some other pursuit. Now there is nothing wrong with being a good parent, or seeking to do well in your job, or having a hobby. The problem is when any of these pursuits overtakes investing time and effort in your marriage.
Marriage takes work, and that work continues for the life of the husband and wife. James Dobson of Focus on the Family notes that “Married life offers no panacea, if it is going to reach its potential, it will require an all out investment by both husband and wife.” Are you making your marriage an all out investment? Take some time to think about how much effort you are putting into your marriage. Then ask your spouse how he/she thinks you are doing in making your marriage the most important relationship you have, next to your relationship to God.
Blessings,
Dr. Paul