Preparing for Marriage

Many couples spend a lot of time and money to prepare for, and enjoy, their wedding ceremony and wedding day. And certainly it is a special day for every couple who marries. A time to express their commitment to each other in front of family and friends. A day to celebrate as they begin a new family.
As important as the wedding is, it is only one day. I wish couples would spend more time not just preparing for their wedding, but for their marriage. What do I mean? Getting solid, in-depth, pre-marital counseling. Many churches today require couples to attend at least a couple of sessions with the pastor, on in a group class for larger churches, or with another counselor.
This is a great start, but I encourage all couples to do more than just a couple of sessions with their pastor, or in a group setting. There are a lot of issues and potential problems that can be missed or glossed over in these instances. When you think about the life-long commitment a couple enters into with marriage, it makes sense for them to get to know as much as they can about each other. Having a pastor or counselor to meet with the couple for at least 6 to 8 sessions just with that couple can make a huge difference in helping both the man and the woman enter their marriage with both eyes open about each other.
When I lead a couple in pre-marital counseling, I make sure we discuss the strengths and weaknesses of their relationship, their families of origin and their impact on the marriage, communication, conflict resolution, money, sex, children and parenting, future in-law relationships, personality issues, just to name a few. I also get the couple to commit to being willing to delay or cancel the wedding if at any point either of them have serious questions or concerns about getting married to the other. The hassle and embarassment of delaying or cancelling the wedding are nothing compared to the heart ache of divorce.
In my 25 years of ministry experience, I have found that taking the time, effort, and money to get this kind of counseling makes a big difference in the future success of any marriage.
Blessings,
Dr. Paul