Recently my wife Phyllis and I reached a milestone of parenting, we graduated from the teen years! Our youngest son turned 20 and for the first time in a decade we no longer are parents of a teenager. Most parents approach the teen years with a lot of fear and worry. Horror stories abound at the PTA meeting, the hair salon, on the side lines of the little league game, etc. I have to admit that I shared some of those fears when our oldest was getting close to being a teenager. But I also thought that the fear and dread many parents expressed might be setting them up for failure. Isn't God in control? And don't I have the power of prayer and the wisdom that comes from years in the school of life to give me an important edge? So I entered these years of parenting with more of a sense of anticipation and optomism than fear and dread. And by the grace of God, in spite of many mistakes made by me as a parent along the way, none of our kids is a criminal, an addict, a bum, or a parent. So how did we not only survive but even thrive at times?
I don't propose to be an expert on all things parenting, but I would like to share some advice from what we learned after seeing our three kids navigate the teen years. Phyllis and I are far from being perfect parents. We both have things we would do differently if we had the opportunity to do it again. So here goes in no special order or preference:1. Pray, pray, pray.
2. Don't neglect your marriage.
3. Decide what battles are worth fighting and what battles are not.
4. Decide #3 with your spouse away from the kids and present a united front.
5. Have dinner together as a family on the majority of nights.
6. Don't just drop your kids at church, but bring your kids with you to church.
7. Be the same person in private that you are in public.
8. Spend time with each of your kids on a weekly basis.
9. Show an interest in the things your teen enjoys even if you don't like or understand it.
10. Reserve the right to inspect any and all of your child's belongings and room at any time.
So there you have it, our first ten items. Let me know what you think. Share some of your ideas with me, I would enjoy hearing from you.
Blessings,
Dr. Paul
