The Newest Technology to Control Your Children

The other day I saw a commercial for a new way to deal with your unruly, defiant child.  The little boy in the commercial talks about how destructive he can be around the house and demonstrates it by breaking things, pouring out a container of milk on the floor, etc., just because he feels like doing it.  He says he has to behave better now.  Why?  Did Mom and Dad have a talk with him about his behavior and their plan to deal with it?  Or did they consult with a counselor, their pediatrician, their pastor, or some other trusted person?  No, instead they bought a set of "Dropcams."  A Dropcam is a small, digital camera you can place in various locations around your home to keep an eye on what's happening live or by recording the activity.  The little boy says that since the cameras have been installed, his behavior is so much better.  
There is nothing new installing cameras around your home to protect yourself from theft or vandalism.  And the "Nanny Cams" have been around for quite a while now to keep an eye on the babysitter.  But the thrust of this commercial is different. It's about spying on your child as a means to change his or her bad behavior.  My initial reaction was, "whatever happened to developing your child's character?  Or reaching your child at his or her heart level so that they will learn self-control even when you are not present.  Or how about simple trust between you and your children?"  I find this troubling on so many levels.  A child needs meaningful time spent with Mom and Dad, not a camera looking over their shoulder.  My wife and I had a very effective tool for knowing when the kids were getting into trouble, silence.  Whenever it got quiet in our home, we knew that one or more of them were up to no good, and so we would check on what was going on.  Sure enough, our parental radar was right on target!  Technology can be very beneficial, and can make our lives easier.  But there is no technology that can or should replace meaningful relationships between parents and their kids.  

So what do you think?  Is this the solution to correcting disobedient children? 

Blessings,
Dr. Paul

The Number One Reason Couples Stay Happily Married

Do you know what couples who are happily married say is the number one reason why?  It isn't that they have a lot of money, they live in a big house, have great sex, live far away from their in-laws, have  well behaved children, are highly educated, or belong to a country club.  So what is the number one reason?  A number of surveys have been conducted of couples who are happily married.  It does not marry if they are newly weds, midly webs, or oldly weds. Happily married couples all say the same thing.

The number one answer is "my spouse is my best friend."   Take a minute and think about that means.  What does it take to be a best friend?  A best friend is someone you trust, you can tell them anything and everything.  A best friend is someone you spend time with.  You have fun together. You care for each other, in good times and bad.  You work together and have each other's back.  Qualities like loyalty, honesty, faithfulness, goodness, helpfulness, also come to mind.

So what comes to your mind when you think about what it means to be a best friend?  Now take that and make it happen in your marriage!

Blessings,
Dr. Paul

Seeing as Jesus Saw

One of the ways I minister in my community is to serve as a police chaplain for the Upper Southampton Police Department.  They call upon me to help with needy people in the community, difficult calls involving death, suicide, serious injury, house fires or serious car accidents.  I also build relationships with them through ride-alongs or other events.  Ride-alongs also give me a unique perspective on the community and what the officers deal with on a daily basis.
A while back one of the officers asked me, "So why do you do this?"  My answer was that I believe if Jesus were on the earth today he would spend time riding in police cars and hanging out with cops."  "Really, how's that chaplain?" "Well, the first non-Jewish person converted to Christianity was a cop, and the Bible also says that Jesus was moved with compassion as he ministered to people because He saw them as distressed, downcast, and like sheep in need of a shepherd.  Seems to me that is a good description of many of the people you deal with daily."
As a pastor and counselor, I could spend my entire day in the office with people who are already Christ followers.  As nice and comfy as that might be, it prevents me from being salt and light in a world that needs to know the love of God.  How can I be salt and light?  By getting out of my office and spending time with people who are hurting.
How are you being salt and light?  How do you see people, the person across the hall, the family next door, the people in the next cubicle at work, the students who sit next to you in class?  My prayer is that I would see people as Jesus sees them, and do as He did.  What about you?  How are you making a difference?
Blessings,
Dr. Paul

Confessions of a Smart Phone Junkie

The newest iPhone is out and I am sure you have seen the crazy long lines people are waiting in to get one.  Last week I talked about some changes I made in my social media use, so so I thought this might be a good time to talk about how to know if you are spending too much time looking at your smart phone.  So here are some of my thoughts and observations about this.

1.  Most or All of Your Down Time for Yourself is Spent on Your Phone.  You may be going to the bathroom, waiting in line, sitting in the airport, or just reclining in your favorite chair.  Whatever or wherever it is, you are on your phone checking your email, on Facebook, surfing the internet, checking your fantasy football team.

2.  Your Phone is the First Thing You Look at When you Wake Up and the Last Thing You Look at When You Go to Bed.  Not only are experts suggesting some negative health aspects to this habit, but you really need to allow your body and mind to wind down when you are ready for bed. And as a Christ follower, I would suggest that checking in with God to start your day is much more eternally significant than seeing who tweeted what over night.

3.  You Find Yourself Looking at Your Phone During Church (or other important occasions).  I know my sermons are not always the most riveting, but looking at your phone during worship of your Creator, really?

4.  You Check Your Phone at Red Lights.  At least the car isn't moving, but this is not a good sign.

5.  Even Worse, You Text or Check Your Phone While Driving.  Take from a guy who has been to many accidents with the Fire Department, you are asking for trouble.

6.  When the Plane is Ready to Take Off, You Get Anxious.  You start feeing anxiety not because you are afraid to fly, but you are afraid of what you'll miss while your phone is in airplane mode.

7.  You Consistently Have No New Items in Your Facebook Newsfeed.  If this is you, you are definitely checking Facebook way too much.

8.  You and Your Family are All on Your Smart Phones During Family Time.  Whether its at the dinner table, watching a show together, or some other time, there is more taking place on your phones than meaningful conversation with each other.

Believe it or not, there researchers have identified "cell phone addiction" as an actual diagnosis for some people.  I suggest that before you run out to the psychiatrist, you ask your family members, friends, and co-workers if they think you are on your smart phone too much.  If they say yes, then take some common sense steps by doing the opposite of these eight signs of trouble.

Blessings,
Dr. Paul

Social Media Sanity

Over the last six weeks or so I have taken a step back from social media. I did not do a complete withdraw, just a step back, not as many Facebook posts, only one blog post, and I took the Facebook app off of my phone.  I also made a commitment to not do as much with my smart phone when going through the course of my day, or when out with my wife and/or the family.

So what has this step back done for me?  For me, it has given me a chance to evaluate how much of my time and my life I want to give to social media.  As a marriage and family counselor, I am increasingly concerned about how much I see people excessively tied to their smart phone, tablet, etc.  As I re-engage with twitter, my blog, and Facebook, I have decided to make some changes.  The biggest change has been to keep the Facebook app off of my phone.  This has kept me from being tempted from getting on Facebook at different times during the day.  It has become a lot easier to limit getting on Facebook to once or twice a day.  And this is a win for me.  There is more to life than what is happening on the various forms of social media and the internet.  So get our there and live it, instead of spending too much time reading about what others are doing.

Blessings,
Dr. Paul

Remembering 9-11

If you are like me, you remember exactly where you were and what you were doing when your first heard about the attacks of 9-11.  I hope you will take time to pray for the families of those who were murdered that day, pray for our nation.  It is sad to me that after the initial flurry of flying our flag, people turning to God and returning to church, and coming together as Americans, we have so quickly forgotten. As we enter a new era of terrorism with Al Qaeda and now ISIS, we are reminded again that there is evil in this world.  As much as we want to believe that people are basically good, and sometimes do wrong, the Bible is clear that "all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God," and the "heart of man is desperately wicked, who can understand it."  It is my hope and prayer that this latest threat to our nation will be used of God to bring about a spiritual revival, a great awakening where many will come to faith in Christ, who is our only hope, "our refuge and strength and very present help in time of trouble."
Blessings,
Dr. Paul

A Retailer Who Understands Dads

I am tired of the way men and fathers are often portrayed in television commercials, movies, and television shows.  Dad's are seen as bumbling idiots who need to be saved by their wives and their children.  So how refreshing to see a retailer who understands that kids need a mom and dad, and need heroes to admire and emulate.  It is great to see a company who realizes that its bad for business to alienate men by making fun of them.  General Mills, the makers of Cherios, produced the following commercial and I, for one, am grateful for their portrayal of a dad.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6GYxH2-WeZY

Blessings,
Dr. Paul