Living Together Before Marriage

I have always been against couples living together prior to marriage. My problem with it is three fold. First, it is against the teaching of Jesus and other places in scripture. Second, there are many practical reasons why it is a bad idea (allows the guy not to make a true, lasting commitment, it puts too much emphasis on performance, and it makes the relationship based on condition rather than unconditional love, just to name three). Third, all fo the studies show that couples who live together first have more and deeper conflict, have worse sex lives, and have a higher divorce rate compared to couples who marry first.
Recently the New York Times featured an interesting article on the topic. Now I never thought I would encourage people to read the NYT, and I don't agree with everything the author says, but she makes some good points that are worth reading. http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/15/opinion/sunday/the-downside-of-cohabiting-before-marriage.html?pagewanted=1&_r=3&ref=general&src=me


Blessings,
Dr. Paul

A Mother's Decision

Here is a mother's true story that involved a decision of life and death.

Pam and her husband Bob were serving as missionaries to the Philippines and praying for a fifth child. They made a pledge to God that if they were given a son, they would name him Timothy and raise him to be a preacher.

Pam then contracted amoebic dysentery, an infection of the intestine caused by a parasite from contaminated food or drink. After going into a coma, she was treated with strong antibiotics … before they discovered she was pregnant. Doctors urged her to abort the baby for her own safety and told her that the medicines had caused irreversible damage to her baby. Despite nearly losing her baby four different times, Pam refused an abortion, citing her Christian faith as the source of her hope that her son would be born without the predicted devastating disabilities.

Pam spent the last two months of her pregnancy in bed before giving birth to a healthy baby boy on August 14, 1987. Pam's youngest son is indeed a preacher. He preaches in prisons, makes hospital visits, and serves with his father's ministry in the Philippines. He also plays a little football. You may have heard of Pam and Bob's son: Tim Tebow, quarterback for the Denver Broncos.

Blessings,

Dr. Paul

A Profoundly Moving Film

This weekend my wife and I went to see one of the most profoundly moving films I have ever seen. To be honest, I don't go to see that many movies due to the poor quality and the high prices. This movie was an exception, a big exception. The movie is October Baby, and it touched me on an emotional and spiritual level that rarely happens to me. The movie is about a young woman who discovers that her medical and emotional problems are rooted in the fact that she survived a failed abortion. I don't want to say much more about the plot in case you have the opportunity to see it.

I hope you will take the time to see a movie that will touch your heart and leave you with many toughest about the price our nation pays for abortion on demand and the impact it has on the lives of the women who abort their child.

Blessings,

Dr. Paul

Government Tyranny

I never thought I would see this day, a day when the federal government would violate the freedom of religion by forcing a church to go against it's religiously based moral beliefs. The Obama administration is vehemently seeking to enforce its view of health care on every business and institution in America, including churches. Obama Care includes insisting that employers pay for birth control and abortifacients. The problem is that the Roman Catholic Church does not believe that birth control is morally proper. This is a not a matter of convenience, money, or the whim of the church. It is a matter of faith. The bishops are holding firm in their opposition to being forced to pay for something that goes against their beliefs, and so they should. Recently the Obama administration told the media they are looking for a compromise. But last Friday night they unloaded a further expansion of their policy to include all catholic institutions including day care centers, colleges, etc.

I am obviously not a Roman Catholic priest, and I personally have no problem with people of faith choosing to use birth control. But I respect the Roman Catholic Church's right to hold this belief. It is too bad our current President does not. This is the first time in American history that a President has tried to force his views on a church to go against their beliefs. If the American people allow this, there will eventually be no limit to what the government will dictate to people of faith. So much for the Constitution and freedom of religion.

Blessings,

Dr. Paul

The Beginning of the End for Planned Parenthood

Recently there was a lot of uproar over the decision by Susan G. Koman Foundation to tell Planned Parenthood that once the current grants in their pipeline end, they would not process any new ones them. This is very common in the nonprofit world as foundations pick and choose who they want to support. The purpose of Koman is to fight breast cancer, but Planned Parenthood does very few mammograms. What Planned Parenthood does very well is perform over 300,000 abortions a year, which bring in over $150 million a year. After the New York Times ran a story about this, many pro-abortion politicians and others put pressure on Koman to reverse their decision. Koman eventually bowed to the pressure and said that Planned Parenthood could apply for future grants. Why does this signal the beginning of the end for Planned Parenthood? For one thing, more people are learning the truth about this organization, that it is really a business, a business that does little with women's health, and vehemently opposes giving women any information about fetal development which could reduce its 90% kill rate for unborn children who find themselves in a Planned Parenthood facility. In addition, six states are cutting off funding for the organization, is facing a congressional investigation, and it may be one election from losing the $300 million it gets from the federal government. This would be a victory for the family, and for the hundreds of thousands of unborn children who are killed at its hands every year.

Blessings,

Dr. Paul

You Go Girl!

I don't fall off my chair any more. After 26 plus years of pastoral ministry and counseling, I have heard it all when it comes to how people deal with life, relationships, etc. This morning I was watching Good Morning America and it happened, I fell off my chair! I can't remember the last time this happened. Let me refer you to this link for you to read and see for yourself what happened: http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/entertainment/2012/02/victorias-secret-model-quits-to-reserve-body-for-my-husband/.
In an era where many women seem to feel that exposing more is better, I gotta say this young lady has gained my respect and admiration! If you have a daughter, get her to read and see this story about Kylie Bisutti. Now I am waiting to see the flack she will get for taking this stand. Ladies, how about standing with her?
Blessings,
Dr. Paul

Staying Connected To Your Spouse

Life is busy, time is short, the tyranny of the urgent always seems to be in the way, and what suffers is often my marriage. Sound familiar? So what is a married couple to do? Many couples simply drift slowly apart as they get so caught up in the business of life. When communication does happen, it is often on a surface level, or about who has to be where and other family logistics. Here are two ways to measure how connected you really are. First, ask yourself when was the last time you and your spouse had a meaningful conversation that went to the level of your feelings and your spiritual condition, when you were really vulnerable with your spouse in what you said? The second measure is to ask when was the last time you and your spouse went out on a date and did something fun without the kids? If your answer to either of these was more than two weeks, you are headed for trouble. "But you don't know how busy we are!" I am a full time pastor, I run a counseling ministry, and I respond to fire calls as a member of my local fire company. Do you really want to say you are busier than me?

So what is my answer for staying connected to your spouse. Carve out time to spend together, and make your marriage a priority. In addition to getting out on a date, or making time to communicate on a deeper level, let me suggest one other way to stay connected. Get away together for an overnight. My wife and I went for a get away together in Cape May for her birthday. Nothing fancy, just time spent together. I am writing this on the day we got back. And I can tell you, this was a nice shot in the marriage arm to deepen our sense of connection with each other. Even if you aren't feeling disconnected, or can't afford to get away, ship the kids to the grandparents, and spend a day together. Don't make the mistake of saying that once the kids are off to college, then we will spend time on our marriage. If you do, you will wind up sitting across from me in my office lamenting that you and your spouse don't know each other anymore. So, what are you going to do to reconnect with your spouse?

Blessings,

Dr. Paul