Good Riddance 2011

In case you did not hear, today is "Good Riddance 2011 Day." This is the 5th year for Good Riddance Day and it provides residents and tourists in New York City a chance to make way for the new year by destroying their bad memories and regrets from 2011. Participants can stop by the location in Times Square to shred or smash things they would rather leave behind in 2011. "All you need to do is write out, or bring in, whatever it is you would like to forget, and the Times Square Alliance will take care of it." "Anything you write on a piece of paper goes into this shredder and actually everything gets recycled so eventually your ex-boyfriend will turn into a paper cup or toilet paper, says Lori Raimondo of the Times Square Alliance. "And if it is a physical object wee have this here so if you want to destroy that cell phone or chairs that's been so uncomfortable, you can come here and take this mallet. We'll give you safety goggles and you just pummel it." The most creative person to say good riddance will win an Apple iPad.

As I listened to this story on TV news this morning, I thought about how God has so much more to offer people than simply smashing a bad experience from 2011. God tells us in His word that He offers us the opportunity for anyone to become a new creation through faith in Jesus Christ, If any man be in Christ, he is a new creation, the old has gone, the new has come (2 Corinthians 5:17). This is so much more profound than simply shredding a piece of paper, it involves starting a new life in relationship with our Creator! It involves experiencing the forgiveness of our sins, freedom from guilt and shame, and the promise of eternal life.

For the believer, God is also the God of new beginnings. Paul tells believers in Philippians 3:13, Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to sin the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. This past year might have been a year of difficulty, disappointment, or despair, but God has promised that He will never leave you or forsake you, and He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. It is always good to re-evaluate your life and stake stock of where you are as you enter a new year. And that may include leaving behind some things in 2011. But whether 2011 was a good or bad year, God offers so much more than a shredder and a sledge hammer. May God bless you throughout this coming year.

Blessings,

Dr. Paul

Thankfulness Leads to a Healthier Life

Do you want to live healthier? A number of recent studies have found that living with a thankful perspective on life actually increases your general sense of well being and your physical healthi Our natural tendency is for our minds to dwell on problems unresolved, opportunities missed, relationships broken, promises unkept, faded dreams, fears of uncertainty, and guilt over past mistakes. While life does bring its share of challenges and disappointments, it also brings us great joys: problems solved, opportunities seized, relationships built, promises kept, dreams fulfilled, hope that reassures our fear—blessing upon blessing.

An attitude of gratitude provides a lifeline to carry us through the darkest moments and uncertainties of life as it reaches into the depths of our souls with awareness of God’s faithful provision for us. That same spirit of thankfulness causes our hearts to overflow with joy. A few years ago, researchers Robert A. Emmons from the University of California, Davis and Michael E. McCullough from the University of Miami conducted a study on the dimensions of gratitude. They considered how an attitude of thankfulness influences our emotional and physical well-being, and they found that it really does make a healthier difference.

But there's a catch: You have to do it even when the calendar does not say "Thanksgiving.""It doesn't really work if you do it only once a year," says Sonja Lyubomirsky, professor of psychology at the University of California-Riverside.Practicing gratitude is like exercising, says Robert Emmons, professor of psychology at the University of California-Davis: Use it, and you won't lose it, even when times are tough, as they are for many folks right now.

Lyubomirsky and Emmons are among researchers who have studied the power of gratitude and learned, for example, that:

•People with high blood pressure not only lower their blood pressure, but feel less hostile and are more likely quit smoking and lose weight when they practice gratitude. In one study, patients just called a research hotline once a week to report on the things that made them grateful.

•People who care for relatives with Alzheimer's disease feel less stress and depression when they keep daily gratitude journals, listing the positive things in their lives.

•Those who maintain a thankful attitude through life appear to have lower risks of several disorders, including depression, phobias, bulimia and alcoholism.

•Most people can lift their mood simply by writing a letter of thanks to someone. Hand-deliver the letter, and the boost in happiness can last weeks or months.

Practicing gratitude in these systematic ways changes people by changing brains that "are wired for negativity, for noticing gaps and omissions," Emmons says. "When you express a feeling, you amplify it. When you express anger, you get angrier; when you express gratitude, you become more grateful." And grateful people, he says, don't focus so much on pain and problems. They also are quicker to realize they have friends, families and communities to assist them in times of need. They see how they can help others in distress as well, he says.

After 9/11, many people reported increased feelings of gratitude, says Chris Peterson, a professor of psychology at the University of Michigan. It's too soon for studies on the influence of the nation's financial meltdown, but Peterson says he hears a lot of people counting their blessing these days. "There are people who say 'It could be worse, and I'm glad I have my health.' " Gratitude won't get those people new jobs or replenish their retirement accounts, but it could give them the energy to tackle their challenges, Peterson says: "It can only help."

So as you gather today with family to give thanks, keep that attitude of gratitude throughout the year. You will be happier for it.

Blessings,

Dr. Paul

Happiness and Longevity

How happy are you? If you are more of a happy person, you stand a much greater chance of living a longer life. A new study out of England suggests that people who are happy live 35% longer. The study, published today in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, found that those who reported feeling happiest had a 35% reduced risk of dying compared with those who reported feeling least happy.

Rather than rely on recollections about their feelings of happiness as in earlier studies, this British study of 3,853 participants ages 52-79 rated their feelings at different times on one particular day. Five years later, researchers recorded the number who died and controlled for a variety of factors, including age, gender, health, wealth, education and marital status.

This approach "gets closer to measuring how people actually feel" rather than relying on recollections or general questions about well-being, says epidemiologist Andrew Steptoe, a psychology professor at University College in London, who co-authored the study.

How happy a person is at any point in time, he says, is a product of "some background disposition; some people tend to be happier than others," but also "what they are doing, who they are with, and other features of that point in time. Both are important."

"It's perfectly true that someone's happiness over a single day will be affected by what happens to them over that period," Steptoe says. "However, survey experts and psychologists have come to the view that in many ways, this is a better approach to understanding how people actually feel than asking them general questions about how happy they are. Responses to general questions are influenced strongly by personality, by what people think they 'ought' to say and by recollections that might not be quite accurate," Steptoe says.

Certainly more research can help solidify the results of this particular study, but it does add to the growing amount of research linking inner well being and physical heath. Who would have thought that when the Bible says to "rejoice always" that it could lead to a longer life!

Blessings,

(A Happy) Dr. Paul

Steve Jobs' Legacy

Steve Jobs, the creative genius behind Apple, passed away earlier this month after battling cancer. His death is a great loss to his family, to Apple, and to all of us who benefit from the technology he helped to develop. I am currently typing this on an Apple computer after driving home listening to music on my iPod from my day of counseling and working with a group of pastors in Lancaster. The pioneering work he did has literally changed the way we listen to music, work with computers, and talk to people on the phone. I would say it is safe to call him a modern day, computer era Thomas Edison.

With all of the success of Apple, Steve Jobs was a very private person. Sure, any time Apple would introduce a new product, Steve would be the one to unveil it to the world with great fanfare. But other than that, you wouldn't really see or hear much about him, or his family. I admire that, actually, keeping his private life private.

For all of his success, there is at least one area where Steve Jobs felt he came up short, and that is his role as a father. As he faced his impending death, he felt it was time to address his life as a dad. Here is how he was quoted in USA Today:

"I wanted my kids to know me," Jobs was quoted as saying by Pulitzer Prize nominee Walter Isaacson, when he asked the Apple co-founder why he authorized a tell-all biography after living a private, almost ascetic life. "I wasn't always there for them, and I wanted them to know why and to understand what I did," Jobs told Isaacson in their final interview at Jobs' home in Palo Alto, California.

This, to me, is very sad. Jobs leaves a tremendous tremendous legacy in business and computer technology, but his own children are left to learn about who their dad really was by reading a book. Instead of their minds filled with memories of spending time with their father, they are left with words on a page.

When I was a teenager, the song Cats in the Cradle by Harry Chapin, was very popular. I think the words of this song are apparently something Steve Jobs' children will identify with:

My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talkin' 'fore I knew it, and as he grew
He'd say "I'm gonna be like you dad
You know I'm gonna be like you"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home dad?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then

My son turned ten just the other day
He said, "Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on let's play
Can you teach me to throw", I said "Not today
I got a lot to do", he said, "That's ok"
And he walked away but his smile never dimmed
And said, "I'm gonna be like him, yeah
You know I'm gonna be like him"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then

Well, he came home from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
"Son, I'm proud of you, can you sit for a while?"
He shook his head and said with a smile
"What I'd really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please?"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then

I've long since retired, my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind"
He said, "I'd love to, Dad, if I can find the time
You see my new job's a hassle and kids have the flu
But it's sure nice talking to you, Dad
It's been sure nice talking to you"

And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then

So dad's what kind of legacy will you leave for your children? If you want to learn more about how to be a dad who will make a difference in the lives of your children, get out to the theatre and see the movie "Courageous," produced by the makers of the "Fireproof." You will be glad you did. I went with my wife and my sons, and we were all blessed by it.

Blessings,

Dr. Paul

The Tyranny of the Urgent

Today I was reading in the Gospel of Luke about how Jesus would take time to get away from the crowds and the hectic pace of ministry to spend time in prayer with God the Father. Luke 5:16 simply says, "But he would withdraw to desolate places and pray." Nothing fancy, just getting away from the craziness of life. When was he last time you withdrew to a desolate place to pray? For those of you who are raising young kids, you are probably laughing right now, along with those of you who are working two jobs to try to keep up with the financial needs of your family. I understand, I work two jobs, and my three kids were all young once too (we had a 4 year old, two year old, and an infant when Andrew was born).

The tyranny of the urgent can all get the best of us. It happens to us who are pastors too. But as busy as you and I might be, I don't think we are any busier than Jesus, whose mission was to save the world! And yet he found time to get alone with God the Father. Notice how Jesus would not only withdraw, but he would seek out a "desolate place." Do you have a desolate place? Maybe you can't get too far with your responsibilities, but find a place and time where you can be alone. It may even be a place in your home, or a nearby park, or even closing the door of your office or the front seat of your car. Wherever that place may be, get to it on a regular if not daily basis and spend some time, as unhurried as possible, and seek out the Lord. He will bless you for it, and you will find that you have lot more peace in the craziness of your life.

Blessings,

Dr. Paul

We Made It!

Recently my wife Phyllis and I reached a milestone of parenting, we graduated from the teen years! Our youngest son turned 20 and for the first time in a decade we no longer are parents of a teenager. Most parents approach the teen years with a lot of fear and worry. Horror stories abound at the PTA meeting, the hair salon, on the side lines of the little league game, etc. I have to admit that I shared some of those fears when our oldest was getting close to being a teenager. But I also thought that the fear and dread many parents expressed might be setting them up for failure. Isn't God in control? And don't I have the power of prayer and the wisdom that comes from years in the school of life to give me an important edge? So I entered these years of parenting with more of a sense of anticipation and optomism than fear and dread. And by the grace of God, in spite of many mistakes made by me as a parent along the way, none of our kids is a criminal, an addict, a bum, or a parent. So how did we not only survive but even thrive at times?

I don't propose to be an expert on all things parenting, but I would like to share some advice from what we learned after seeing our three kids navigate the teen years. Phyllis and I are far from being perfect parents. We both have things we would do differently if we had the opportunity to do it again. So here goes in no special order or preference:

1. Pray, pray, pray.

2. Don't neglect your marriage.

3. Decide what battles are worth fighting and what battles are not.

4. Decide #3 with your spouse away from the kids and present a united front.

5. Have dinner together as a family on the majority of nights.

6. Don't just drop your kids at church, but bring your kids with you to church.

7. Be the same person in private that you are in public.

8. Spend time with each of your kids on a weekly basis.

9. Show an interest in the things your teen enjoys even if you don't like or understand it.

10. Reserve the right to inspect any and all of your child's belongings and room at any time.

So there you have it, our first ten items. Let me know what you think. Share some of your ideas with me, I would enjoy hearing from you.

Blessings,

Dr. Paul

The Financial Impact of Federal Policy on Families

There is a lot of concern, and rightly so, about the looming financial crisis surrounding the raising of our national debt limit. Both democrats and republicans have dug in for a fight and are risking a default by our government for the first time in history. This will have a devastating impact if it is allowed to happen.
As much as I am concerned about this current crisis, I have been concerned for a long time about the financial impact of our federal government on marriage and family. Here are three areas that are big on my radar screen. And they are so big because they are all areas where our federal government has a negative financial impact.
First, the failure of our government to keep up with the child deduction. This has fallen further and further behind and has a big impact on families. When first enacted back in the 1950’s, it was designed to lesson the tax burden on families who are raising children. But congress has failed to raise it sufficiently to keep up with inflation. If they had, what is a $2000 deduction today would be much higher, over $8000. Imagine the benefit to families who now often need both parents to work to pay their bills. How many mothers would rather be at home instead of placing their children in day care?
Second, the impact of the marriage penalty. The way our over complicated tax law is written, a couple who are married and file jointly pay more taxes than a couple who are not married but living together. The family is the foundation of any society, and yet we make it harder for couples who want to be married. So what if people simply live together? There are many negative outcomes for a couple who chose to live together, including a higher rate of break up if they stay unmarried, and a higher rate of divorce if they do eventually marry. Our government should be doing everything it can to strengthen marriage and family, not undermining it through the tax code.
Third, school choice. By any measure you can think of, our public schools are doing a poor job when compared to other industrialized nations. We spend more money per student than any time in our nation’s history, and yet our schools are not keeping up with the rest of the world. In this global economy, parents should have the opportunity to send their children to the best school possible, public, private, or religious. We are a free, capitalist society and that allows for one of the greatest incentives to do better ever devised, competition. If schools and teachers were forced to compete, I can guarantee that their performance would improve, and as a result of that, the education that our students receive. This is an issue that our federal government can and should address.
Am I concerned about the looming federal debt crisis, you bet, and I have called my representative and senators about it. You can be sure this will have a very negative impact on your family if it isn’t resolved now: higher costs, higher interest rates, more difficulty obtaining credit, etc. But what concerns me just as much, if not more, is the negative financial impact of a government that is increasing undermining the support for marriage and family.
Blessings,
Dr. Paul