In my last blog I mentioned a secular study which demonstrates that people are happier in church than in the mall. Let's take a look at what the Bible says about why this is so. The other week I was reading the book of Isaiah and came upon this passage in chapter 55: Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. Why spend money on what is not break, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare. Give ear and come to me; hear me, that your soul may live.
God is making an incredible statement to us. We can receive from Him food and drink that will truly satisfy us. How? By meeting the deepest needs of our lives, the need of our soul. I can't tell you how many depressed people I meet in the course of my day, not just in counseling, but in my travels to the Wawa, the gas station, among my neighbors. People just gritting their teeth to get though the work week, living for the weekend, or the next buzz to drown their sorrows. God is offering us something much more satisfying and profound, delight at the deepest level of our being, our soul.
How do I know material things are not where it is at when it comes to ultimate satisfaction? Because we are never satisfied. You get a Lexus, and then you see a BMW, so you get that car. And then comes a Ferrari, and you decide you just have to get that instead. And so it goes. Plus, stuff breaks, falls apart, needs to be maintained. And even if you keep it in good condition, someone comes and steals it. Many products do come with a warranty. I even bought something the other day with a "life time warranty." That's great, but I can show you something even better, an eternal guarantee. Look at the next thing God says in Isaiah 55:
and I will make with you an everlasting covenant. Everlasting, that means forever! No wonder people are happier in church compared to the mall!
Blessings,
Dr. Paul
Friday, November 19, 2010
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Want to Be Happier? Skip the Mall and Go to Church!
We all know that money can't buy happiness, just talk to some of the wealthy people who come to me for counseling. A new study out of Ben-Gurion University in Israel has found that, especially among women, spending money makes us much less happy than going to church. The study looked at shopping habits compared to participation in religious activities over the last 30 years.
The study used data collected by the Univesity of Chicago's National Opinion Research Council which conducts a "General Social Survey" annually or biannually. They collect information from a sample of adults on their level of happiness. Looking at adults who lived in states where "blue laws" (laws that prohibit commercial activities on Sundays) had been repealed between 1973 and 1988, they looked at the happiness levels of adults who reported regular church attendance. Women especially experienced a sharp decline in church attendance and their happiness levels over the course of the 25 year post-blue law period. The data shoed that blue law repeals decreased the level of happiness by at least 17%, but for people who remained active in church, their happiness level stayed the same. The researchers ruled out the possibility that the declines in happiness were related to other issues like family issues or having to work on Sundays.
What can we take from this study? I have a couple of suggestions. First, God instituted a day of rest for very good reasons. We all need a break from the rat race of life and time to reconnect with the people who are closest to us. Second, God instituted a day of rest for us to honor our Creator. We all need the benefit of corporate worship to reconnect with God and each other. The study actually found that for each point increase in church attendance, self-reported happiness increased by 10.7%! Third, do your best to avoid shopping, going to the mall, etc. on Sundays. This can be tough when you work full time and the weekend is the only chance for running errands and shopping. The study's authors suggest that people institute their own "blue laws" to designate one day of the week as a no shopping day (and let's include on-line shopping as well).
Going to church may not give you the immediate gratification you can get from shopping, but in the long run, you will be happier, and you won't have to worry about credit card debt!
Blessings,
Dr. Paul
The study used data collected by the Univesity of Chicago's National Opinion Research Council which conducts a "General Social Survey" annually or biannually. They collect information from a sample of adults on their level of happiness. Looking at adults who lived in states where "blue laws" (laws that prohibit commercial activities on Sundays) had been repealed between 1973 and 1988, they looked at the happiness levels of adults who reported regular church attendance. Women especially experienced a sharp decline in church attendance and their happiness levels over the course of the 25 year post-blue law period. The data shoed that blue law repeals decreased the level of happiness by at least 17%, but for people who remained active in church, their happiness level stayed the same. The researchers ruled out the possibility that the declines in happiness were related to other issues like family issues or having to work on Sundays.
What can we take from this study? I have a couple of suggestions. First, God instituted a day of rest for very good reasons. We all need a break from the rat race of life and time to reconnect with the people who are closest to us. Second, God instituted a day of rest for us to honor our Creator. We all need the benefit of corporate worship to reconnect with God and each other. The study actually found that for each point increase in church attendance, self-reported happiness increased by 10.7%! Third, do your best to avoid shopping, going to the mall, etc. on Sundays. This can be tough when you work full time and the weekend is the only chance for running errands and shopping. The study's authors suggest that people institute their own "blue laws" to designate one day of the week as a no shopping day (and let's include on-line shopping as well).
Going to church may not give you the immediate gratification you can get from shopping, but in the long run, you will be happier, and you won't have to worry about credit card debt!
Blessings,
Dr. Paul
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Communication in Marriage
One of the most important building blocks of any marriage is communication. And it can also be one of the most frustrating parts of marriage. The wife says that her husband just doesn't understand her, and the husband says his wife just doesn't understand him. He says she talks too much, and she says he doesn't talk enough. Let me share one of the most helpful verses in the Bible on what makes effective communication. It is found in Ephesians 4:29 and says, Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such as word as is good for edification, according to the need of the moment, that you may give grace to those who hear you.
Let's break this verse down phrase by phrase. Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth tells us to avoid using words that negative, foul, hurtful. Cursing, demeaning words that tare down your spouse are often said in anger, in the heat of the moment, but can do a lot of harm. Conversely, we need to use only words that are good for edification. To edify is to build up, encourage, strengthen, or help the other person. So ask yourself the question, do my words tare down or build up, discourage or encourage my spouse?
God's word gives us two more important principles. Our speech must take into account timing, according to the need of the moment. Timing can make all the difference. Having a serious discussion when you and your spouse are tired, sick, under a lot of stress or pressure can all contribute to miscommunication. For example, my wife knows that after a long day of ministry I need some time to unwind, so it is best to wait an hour or so before we have a serious discussion. The last point is that you give grace to those who hear you. Grace can refer to communicating forgiveness when your spouse wrongs you in some way. Grace can also refer to your tone, where you communicate with graciousness, not harshly. Third, grace can refer to the giving of blessing to the person who you communicate.
Take some time to think through the principles God gives us in this verse. Ask your spouse how he/she thinks you are doing in each of these areas, and make a commitment to change the way you talk to the most important person in your life next to God.
Blessings,
Dr. Paul
Let's break this verse down phrase by phrase. Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth tells us to avoid using words that negative, foul, hurtful. Cursing, demeaning words that tare down your spouse are often said in anger, in the heat of the moment, but can do a lot of harm. Conversely, we need to use only words that are good for edification. To edify is to build up, encourage, strengthen, or help the other person. So ask yourself the question, do my words tare down or build up, discourage or encourage my spouse?
God's word gives us two more important principles. Our speech must take into account timing, according to the need of the moment. Timing can make all the difference. Having a serious discussion when you and your spouse are tired, sick, under a lot of stress or pressure can all contribute to miscommunication. For example, my wife knows that after a long day of ministry I need some time to unwind, so it is best to wait an hour or so before we have a serious discussion. The last point is that you give grace to those who hear you. Grace can refer to communicating forgiveness when your spouse wrongs you in some way. Grace can also refer to your tone, where you communicate with graciousness, not harshly. Third, grace can refer to the giving of blessing to the person who you communicate.
Take some time to think through the principles God gives us in this verse. Ask your spouse how he/she thinks you are doing in each of these areas, and make a commitment to change the way you talk to the most important person in your life next to God.
Blessings,
Dr. Paul
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Religion in America
The Pew Research Center just released the results of their "U.S. Religious Knowledge Survey" and it paints a pretty bleak picture. It found that Americans are incredibly ignorant of their own religion. In fact, it found that atheists know the most about religion, followed by Jews, Mormons, and then evangelical Protestants! Fewer than half of American Catholics are able to name Genesis as the first book of the Bible. Only 28% of evangelical Protestants know that the Bible teaches salvation through faith alone, and only a slight majority of Catholics can identify their church's doctrine on communion. Less than half of Protestants know that Martin Luther inspired the Reformation, but 70% of Jews know that fact.
The survey also reveals how much Americans misunderstand what the Constitution teaches about restrictions on religion. This is something I have dealt with repeatedly over the years as my children attended public school from 7th through 12th grades. Only 36% of survey respondents knew a public school teacher may teach a comparative religion class, and only 23% knew that a teacher may teach the Bible as literature. Yet the Supreme Court has ruled teachers may do both.
Knowing the Bible not only provides understanding of God's view of life and life eternal, but a host of other issues. Theology is all about knowing what God says about who He is, who you are, and how you can live as a child, spouse, parent, employer, employee, etc. If you have a question about what is moral, what is true, what is false, what matters most, you can find that in the Word of God. To neglect the knowledge of God through His word is to misundestand eveything that can bring blessing your life.
Blessings,
Dr. Paul
The survey also reveals how much Americans misunderstand what the Constitution teaches about restrictions on religion. This is something I have dealt with repeatedly over the years as my children attended public school from 7th through 12th grades. Only 36% of survey respondents knew a public school teacher may teach a comparative religion class, and only 23% knew that a teacher may teach the Bible as literature. Yet the Supreme Court has ruled teachers may do both.
Knowing the Bible not only provides understanding of God's view of life and life eternal, but a host of other issues. Theology is all about knowing what God says about who He is, who you are, and how you can live as a child, spouse, parent, employer, employee, etc. If you have a question about what is moral, what is true, what is false, what matters most, you can find that in the Word of God. To neglect the knowledge of God through His word is to misundestand eveything that can bring blessing your life.
Blessings,
Dr. Paul
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
My Greatest Frustration in Marriage Counseling
If there is one thing that frustrates me as I work with couples, it is when a husband does nothing but complain about his wife, and the wife does nothing but complain about him. Everything said is about the problems, short comings, and failures of the other person. The pronouns used aren't I or me, but he, she, you. Obviously when a couple comes to see me in counseling, things have reached a level of difficulty you may not have reached. But how much do you focus on the problems with your spouse, and how much do you focus on you own contributions to the struggles in your relationship?
Jesus talked about our natural tendency to spend more time looking at what the other person is doing to cause a problem but ignore our own contribution to the problem. In Matthew 7:3-5 He says, "Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye. about the speck in the other person's eye." The message of Jesus is clear, put your emphasis on what you need to work on, and what is happening in your own heart first.
Jesus talked about our natural tendency to spend more time looking at what the other person is doing to cause a problem but ignore our own contribution to the problem. In Matthew 7:3-5 He says, "Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye. about the speck in the other person's eye." The message of Jesus is clear, put your emphasis on what you need to work on, and what is happening in your own heart first.
Are you in a relationship that is struggling? Do you find yourself increasingly focused on the faults and failures of the other person. Are you frustrated with your inability to change him/her? The only person you can change is yourself. And changing yourself means seeking God's power to work on your heart. Here is a prayer from God's word that can make a difference as it puts the emphasis on what God can do in your life: "Search me O God, and know my heart, try me and know my anxious thoughts, and see if there be any hurful way in me, and lead me in your everlasting way," Psalm 139:23-24.
Blessings,
Dr. Paul
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Weddings in 2009 at a Record Low
According to the United States Census Bureau, weddings for people 18 and older dropped to the lowest point in over a hundred years. The number of people getting married in 2009 dropped to a record low with only 52% of those 18 and older saying they were married. This compares to 57% in 2000. Marriage rates have been declining for years due to the rise in divorce and the increase in unmarried couples living together. Regarding marriage among adults 25 to 34, 46.3% reported that they had never married, It is the first time that the share of unmarried young adults exceeded the 44.9% who are married. Demographers believe that the current economic downturn may be causing more younger adults to postpone marraige as many struggle to find work and resist making long term commitments. Mark Mather of the Population Reference Bureau states, "Given the scope of the recent recession, many more couples are likely to chose cohabitation over marraige in the coming years."
So given the financial pressure people are facing, why not live together first? Doesn't make sense to save money on rent by living together? And with the high divorce rate, should we try things out and make sure we are compatible before committing to marriage?
This makes sense to a lot of people, but the research on marriage does not support these ideas. Couples who wait to be married before being sexually active or living together have a significantly lower divorce rate compared to couples who live together first. Studies also consistently show that couples who live together have more problems with conflict resolution, agreeing on major issues they face, and financial unity compared to couples who marry first before living together or being sexually active. Most surprising to many people, couples who marry first report having a better sexual relationship than those who live together or have sex outside of marriage. Why? I believe the reason for this comes down to the significance of the unconditional committment a couples makes when they get married first. The couple getting married first are basicially saying that regardless of how you perform sexually, or how much money you make, or anything else I learn about you once we live together, I am committed to you unconditionally. This removes a lot of the pressure and insecurity couples who cohabitate have to deal with. If you are thinking of living together to try things out first, you are short changing your relationship and increasing the chance of failure.
Blessings,
Dr. Paul
So given the financial pressure people are facing, why not live together first? Doesn't make sense to save money on rent by living together? And with the high divorce rate, should we try things out and make sure we are compatible before committing to marriage?
This makes sense to a lot of people, but the research on marriage does not support these ideas. Couples who wait to be married before being sexually active or living together have a significantly lower divorce rate compared to couples who live together first. Studies also consistently show that couples who live together have more problems with conflict resolution, agreeing on major issues they face, and financial unity compared to couples who marry first before living together or being sexually active. Most surprising to many people, couples who marry first report having a better sexual relationship than those who live together or have sex outside of marriage. Why? I believe the reason for this comes down to the significance of the unconditional committment a couples makes when they get married first. The couple getting married first are basicially saying that regardless of how you perform sexually, or how much money you make, or anything else I learn about you once we live together, I am committed to you unconditionally. This removes a lot of the pressure and insecurity couples who cohabitate have to deal with. If you are thinking of living together to try things out first, you are short changing your relationship and increasing the chance of failure.
Blessings,
Dr. Paul
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Your Marriage and Spiritual Warfare
The Bible teaches that Christians face something called spiritual warfare. There are a number of places that talk about this. The Bible says that our enemies are the world, the flesh, and the devil. In Ephesians 6, the Bible teaches that we do not wrestle just against flesh and blood, but against powers, principalities, against spiritual forces of wickedness in heavenly places. Peter writes in 1 Peter 5:8. “Be sober minded, be watchful. Your adversary, the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” This comes across to some people, even Christians, as a unusual, mysterious, even spookey. I believe this not only because the Bible teaches it, but I have seen the results of it in my own life.
Something that no one writes about or talks about is the issue of spiritual warfare in the Christian marriage. I believe spiritual warfare is found in the marriages of believers. Why do I say this? First, since spiritual warfare is experienced in the life of the individual Christian, it follows that when you bring two Christians together in a relationship, and in this case, in the intimate relationship of marriage, that it will be present there as well. Second, since marriage is the first institution started by God for human society, even before the church, it makes this a special target of Satan. If he can destroy marriages, he can cause tremendous damage to the family and to society as a whole. If you are a Christian, he can create even more damage to the family of God. And if you are a Christian leader, then you can hurt the churches and ministries where these leaders serve. Third, when I talk to Christian couples in marriage counseling, including pastors and missionaries, the hardest things for couples to do together is pray. Prayer is one of the key practices of the Christian life, and is listed as one of two offensive weapons we can use in our fight against Satan (the other is the Bible, also called the sword of the spirit).
So if I am correct in asserting that spiritual warfare is found in the Christian marriage, what should we do about it? Let me suggest a couple of ideas. Knowing that your marriage is a target of the Evil One should increase your awareness of the spiritual aspects of your marriage. Second, improving the spiritual practices that will strengthen the spiritual side of your marriage are important to fighting off your enemy. James 4:7 gives us a tremendous promise, "Resist the devil and he will flee from you." Think about competing in a wrestling match. What would you do to prepare for it? Practice various moves, do physical conditioning, and learn about your opponent. In the same way you need to strengthen your spiritual muscles. Prayer, studying the Bible, worship, and doing these things with your spouse are ways to fortify the spiritual side of your marriage. Be confident that if you will resist the devil and the tempations he attempts in your marriage, he WILL flee from you.
Blessings,
Dr. Paul
Something that no one writes about or talks about is the issue of spiritual warfare in the Christian marriage. I believe spiritual warfare is found in the marriages of believers. Why do I say this? First, since spiritual warfare is experienced in the life of the individual Christian, it follows that when you bring two Christians together in a relationship, and in this case, in the intimate relationship of marriage, that it will be present there as well. Second, since marriage is the first institution started by God for human society, even before the church, it makes this a special target of Satan. If he can destroy marriages, he can cause tremendous damage to the family and to society as a whole. If you are a Christian, he can create even more damage to the family of God. And if you are a Christian leader, then you can hurt the churches and ministries where these leaders serve. Third, when I talk to Christian couples in marriage counseling, including pastors and missionaries, the hardest things for couples to do together is pray. Prayer is one of the key practices of the Christian life, and is listed as one of two offensive weapons we can use in our fight against Satan (the other is the Bible, also called the sword of the spirit).
So if I am correct in asserting that spiritual warfare is found in the Christian marriage, what should we do about it? Let me suggest a couple of ideas. Knowing that your marriage is a target of the Evil One should increase your awareness of the spiritual aspects of your marriage. Second, improving the spiritual practices that will strengthen the spiritual side of your marriage are important to fighting off your enemy. James 4:7 gives us a tremendous promise, "Resist the devil and he will flee from you." Think about competing in a wrestling match. What would you do to prepare for it? Practice various moves, do physical conditioning, and learn about your opponent. In the same way you need to strengthen your spiritual muscles. Prayer, studying the Bible, worship, and doing these things with your spouse are ways to fortify the spiritual side of your marriage. Be confident that if you will resist the devil and the tempations he attempts in your marriage, he WILL flee from you.
Blessings,
Dr. Paul
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