Understanding Anger

For those of you at Davisville Church this morning, I promised to give you some of the main points and passages from today's message on anger.  My apologies to the first service for running long!  I will also be sharing in the coming days and weeks additional application points you can use to move your anger from destructive to constructive.  I purposely did not include this in today's message because it is vital to understand that you have to deal with it in your heart, and it really boils down to being an issue of worship.  If you don't get this, then any additional practical applications will leave you frustrated and defeated.

We started off by making the point that everyone deals with anger.  No one is immune from it.  Why?  Because we are made in the image of God, and God gets angry.  His anger is always about the right things, and His displays of it are always appropriate for the situation.  Anger is so difficult to deal with because it is one of those human experiences that can be like God and yet so different from Him.   Anger done right can be a powerfully redemptive experience that reflects the nature and face of God.  But anger done wrong is a powerfully destructive experience that reflects the nature and face of Satan.

Proverbs 14:29.  Notice it does not say that the persons without anger has great understanding, but the person who is slow to anger. Scripture never tells us that the goal is to be without anger.  BB Warfield:  “It would be impossible for a moral being to stand in the presence of perceived wrong indifferent and unmoved. " Best example of someone who gets angry but does not sin is Jesus. 

So what is your definition of anger?  How you define it says a lot about you and how you deal with it.  Most people in our society describe it as a force or something in us that blows up because of the people and situations that provoke us.  We need to get in touch with it and let it out.  But if this is true it leaves us without hope.  If anger is caused by people and situations around me which cause this volcano eruption displeasure, then it is completely beyond my control. 

Proverbs 16:32 and 19:11 make it clear that you can control your anger.  You do it at work or you get fired.  Here is my definition of anger:  Anger is an active response of the heart to something I am against, that displeases me, that matters, and is wrong. 

Let's look at destructive anger.  The person with destructive anger lives in a very small world.  All they see is increasingly about themselves.  The kingdom of me is all that exists.  The world becomes the size of my own self-interest.  

There are three ways that the practice of anger goes band:  

1.  We reach when we shouldn't.

2.  We have legitimate anger, it is rightly aroused, but is wrongly expressed.  

3.  Absent anger, we don't react when we should, you are complacent, indifferent. 

There are three characteristics of constructive or redemptive anger:  

1.  It reacts against actual sin.  

2.  It focuses on God and not myself.  It is concern with God's kingdom, rights, and concerns, not my kingdom, my rights and my concerns.  

3.  It is always accompanied by other godly qualities and expresses itself in godly ways, Ephesians 4:28-30.  

David Powlisons 7 Questions to evaluate your anger:

1.  Do you get angry about the right things?

2.  Do you express your anger in the right way?

3.  How long does your anger last?

4.  How controlled is your anger?

5.  What motivates your anger?

6. Is your anger "primed and ready" to respond to another person's habitual sins?

7.  What is the effect of your anger?

How do we move from destructive anger to redemptive, constructive anger?  Repentance and faith.  Anger management is not enough because it doesn't go deep enough to deal with the source of my anger which is my heart.  

Proverbs 4:20, Mark 7:20-23, James 4:1-2.

Repentance is when you humble yourself, admit you have a problem with anger, and confess your sin to God.  And then you turn to Him in faith and this becomes a matter of your worship.  Who are you worshipping, you or God.  James 3:9-10.  Here you see anger and worship in the same verse!  Notice how the same mouth expresses worship to God and curses other people.  And James says it is not to be this way. 

Changing the content of the things we worship is the one hope for overcoming anger.  Earlier I said that the angry person lives as if the kingdom of me is all that exists.  The world becomes the size of my own self interest.  The second step to overcoming destructive anger is to have a bigger vision than your irritants, seeing that you are on a bigger stage.  Believing that it is someone else’s world and someone else’s kingdom is the one thing which can begin to re-align your whole life when it comes to anger.  Worships calls us into the bigger world-view in which our struggle with anger finds its only true resolution.

You see this in Psalm 73 with a person who starts out very angry and bitter at those he feels are getting away with sin.  Look at how he describes himself in verses 3-5 and then see how he starts to change in verses 16-17.  You see him describe his anger in past in verses 21-22 and then how it changed in verses 23-24.  

Part of this bigger view involves living with the realization that our Holy God is angry at sin and as you and I sin daily, we experience His grace every day.  We deserve nothing less than Hell, but the wrath that you and I should receive from Him on a daily basis was directed toward someone else.  It was directed toward Christ on the cross. God’s wrath was poured out on Him to the point where God the Father turned His back on His Son.  It led Jesus to cry out “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me!” And as Christ hung on the cross as an innocent man, enduring the taunts, the abuse, the pain and the agony, what did He do?  Did He cry out for retribution? No!  He cried out “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.” 

The cross is the ultimate example of redemptive anger being displayed, and provides our ultimate source of hope and help for moving from destructive to constructive anger as we turn to Christ in repentance and faith, and we seek His spirit to work on our self-centered, angry, bitter hearts.  Take some time in Psalm 51 as you seek His forgiveness and ask for him to transform your heart of anger.  

Stop back later this week as we talk about how to make this transition more of a reality in your life.

Blessings,

Dr. Paul

Millennials and Faith

Focus on the Family recently conducted a research study of young adults and their commitment to faith and religion. In their study, Millennial Faith and Retention, they found that only 18% of young adults raised in homes with any measure of religious influence are now unaffiliated with a specific faith.  It also found that 60% of millennials describe themselves as "keeping faith."  Of those young adults who call themselves as not religious, only 11% had a strong faith as a child and lived in a home where a vibrant faith was practiced and taught by their parents.  To put this study in the context of the Christian faith, it means that the vast majority of young adults leaving Christianity never had a strong faith to begin with. To quote the researchers, "This is not a crisis of faith, per se, but of parenting.  Parents who provide a home where faith is vibrantly practiced are remarkably likely to create young adults who remain serious Christians."

Looks like this study has an important message for parents who think it is ok to drop your kids off at church or youth group but don't attend yourself, STOP KIDDING YOURSELF!  If faith isn't important to you, it won't be important to your kids.  This is especially true when your kids become teenagers and they move into that phase of life where they put together their world view.  They walk through the supermarket of ideas and decide which ones to leave on the shelf and which ones to put into their shopping cart. Did you ever wonder why your teens are so sensitive to hypocrisy?  Its because they are trying to figure out which values matter and which ones don't.  And guess who has the biggest influence on them?  Mom and Dad.  In my opinion, the most important goal for parenting teenagers is to help them make the transition from following Christ because my parents do, to following Christ because I want to.  Once that it is established, many other things eventually fall into place.

The bottom line is this, if you want your kids to be men and women of faith, you need to live out your faith in a meaningful way.

Blessings,
Dr. Paul

Media Use by Kids

The American Academy of Pediatrics has recently established some positions regarding children and the use of media.  In one finding they confirm what we parents have known for years.  They found that positive entertainment is healthier for children. It is advising the 60,000 member pediatricians to "challenge the entertainment industry to create positive content for children and teens and advocate for strong rules about how products are marketed to children.  In a second, related finding, the AAP spoke to the serious risks involved with unrestricted use of media.  They concluded that "the evidence is now clear that media outlets can and do contribute substantially to many different risks and health problems and that children and teenagers learn from, and may be negatively influenced by the media. Risks and problems linked with excessive media use by children and teens are linked to violence, sex, drug use, and obesity.
It is interesting to me that there is no age where excess media use did not create a problem.  This includes plopping your pre-schoolers in front of the TV as a baby sitter, to teens and their use of media. One area that is creating big problems is giving children smart phones.  In my opinion, no child under the age of 16 should be given one as these phones are really portable computers that provide unfiltered access to everything on the internet.  It is long overdue for responsible parents to enact reasonable limits on how much and what media we allow our kids to utilize.  How much is your child's well being worth to you?
Blessings,
Dr. Paul

My Stop Doing List

One of the most frustrating things I deal with in my life is having a to-do list that is too long. I enjoy working hard and being productive, but the tyranny of the urgent can make me feel like the gerbil on the running wheel, peddling fast but am I getting anywhere?  The Bible encourages us to be good stewards of our time.  In Psalm 90 and verse 12 we read, "So teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom."  God wants us to number our days, to make the most of them for His glory and our blessing.  And in numbering our days, making them count, we will increase in wisdom.
I would like to encourage you to consider making the most of each day by not just having a To-Do list, but also a "Stop Doing" list.  Look at each of the items on your To-Do list and ask yourself, "Is this something that I really need to be doing?  If I take the time to do this, am I keeping myself from doing something more significant/important?"  If the first answer is no, and the second answer is yes, then move that item from your "To-Do" list to your "Stop Doing" list.
You may be surprised, like I was, at how freeing this is.  It takes some of the pressure off, and allows me to focus on the things that matter most.  So start moving some things to your Stop-Doing list and free up some time for God, your spouse, and your family.
Blessings,
Dr. Paul

True Contentment

In my last post I talked about how "Blue Monday," the first Monday after the Christmas and New Year holidays is the most depressing day of the year.  I mentioned how the Apostle Paul wrote that he was able to be content regardless of his circumstances because he could do all things through Christ who strengthened him.  So just how does this work?  How does a relationship with Christ enable someone to live with peace and joy regardless of their circumstances?  I would like to suggest three reasons how this is true.
When you have a relationship with God through Jesus, you live with an understanding that God is in control.  Things don't happen by random chance accident, things happen because God has a purpose.  And since God is God, nothing can thwart His purposes and His plan.  This means that whatever takes place in my life, God has a reason for it.
A second related truth is that God is a redeeming God.  You see this throughout the Bible.  We typically think of God's redeeming power in relation to our salvation from sin.  And that is the primary emphasis of scripture.  But God not only redeems our sin, He also redeems sinful circumstances.  Since God has a plan and purpose for everything that happens, the good and the bad, God, while not the cause of the bad, is able to redeem it for His plan and purpose.
Third, since God is in control, and everything is His, I am simply a steward of whatever I have.  Nothing I have is really mine, it is God's.  He gives me the opportunity to use it not as an owner, but as a steward.  So if I have a lot, that's great.  And if I have a little, that's great too because nothing is mine. When you combine these three truths, you come away with an ability to be content regardless of your circumstances.  You can have peace knowing that God is in control regardless of your circumstances.  As He declares in Jeremiah 23:11, For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for calamity, to give you a future and a hope. 
Blessings,
Dr. Paul