Want to Help Your Teen?

So parents of teenagers, how's it going for you?  It can be a challenge at times, but can also be a great blessing.  I know, I recently graduated from being the parent of three teens.  Our youngest is now 21, so I have been there, done that.  I am grateful that all of our kids are followers of Jesus, none got hooked on drugs or alcohol, and I am not an unexpected grandparent.
Now you may be asking, "what's the secret Paul?"  Not sure I can give you a comprehensive answer, but I can share one thing that worked.  My wife and I made it a priority to have dinner together as a family at least 4 nights a week, and we tried for 5 or 6 nights a week as much as possible.  I have long been a believer in the benefits of this simple practice.  Recently the latest study confirming this has been published by Columbia University's Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse.  It found that teens who have dinner with their parents 3 or fewer times a week are 4 times more likely to smoke tobacco, twice as likely to drink alcohol, 2.5 times more likely to smoke pot, and 4 times as likely to say they will try drugs in the future as those who gather for dinner 5 to 7 times a week with their parents. 
Give it a try, over time it will make a difference.
Blessings,
Dr. Paul

When Are You Happiest?

Now that I am back from vacation, I came across a study that looked at when people are happiest in terms of their age.  Can you guess at what age people say they are happiest?  Can you guess at what age people are the least happy?  A study of 23,100 people between the ages of 17 and 85 was recently completed by the Center for Economic Performance at the London School of Economics.  They found that people age 23 and 69 are the happiest.  Can you guess why?  At age 23, most people have finished their education and are most optimistic about their future.  They have their whole adult life ahead of them.  At age 69, most people have gotten past of their regret over unrealized life dreams and goals, but also are not facing the same degree of health decline as older seniors.
So let's talk about at what age people are the least happy.  The same study found that people in their early to mid-fifties are the saddest.  People in their early fifties are taking stock of their lives and many experience regret about things they have done and sorrow over the unrealized dreams.  Speaking as someone in his early fifties, I might add that my body is not as fast, flexible and fit as it once was, so it wouldn't surprise me if this is at work as well.  But don't despair, because the study also reports that happiness begins to increase after 55 until the final peak at 69.  But then it is down in the dumps again when people get past age 75.
Wouldn't be great if we could experience happiness regardless of a person's age?  I think Jesus had an answer for this.  In John chapter 15 Jesus compares himself to a vine, His Father as the vinedresser, and His followers as the branches.  I am the vine, you are the branches.  Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing (John 15:5).  Jesus is asserting here that He is the source of a fruitful life, and notice here is no age limitation placed on it.  What does having a relationship with Jesus have to do with happiness.  Jesus answers this in verse 11, These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.  
Something to think about at any age!
Blessings,
Dr. Paul

Why Dad's Matter

Today our society does a lot to undermine the importance of dads and men.  Our culture has been overly feminized.  We don't let boys be boys.  The media men often portrays men as either over violent killing and mayhem machines, or as bumbling idiots who need to be corrected or rescued by their wives or children.  There are women who chose to have a child without a father.  Or in the attempt to redefine marriage in the so-called “gay marriage” movement, you will have children adopted and raised by two women.  When God designed marriage and family, He designed it to be a man and a woman who commit to the covenant of marriage, and then, as God wills, have children.  Every child needs a mom and a dad.  Every child. 

Let me illustrate this.  A few years ago I was speaking on family issues at Sandy Cove in Maryland.  A woman came up to me after my presentation to talk to me about her grandson.  She brought him for the kids program hoping it would help him.  He was doing poorly in school, he was hanging with a bad crowd, got caught with pot, and admitted to drinking.  In tears she asked me what she could do to help him.  I said, “Before I answer your question, let me ask a couple of questions. First, where is his dad?”  She said, “He has been out of the picture for many years now.  How did you know to ask that question?” 

Where’s dad?  Men, you have a vital role to play in your marriage, in your family, and in our society, and don’t let anyone diminish that.  Research in early childhood development has discovered that even dad’s rough housing with their children is vitally important to their development.  Researchers from the University of Newcastle in Australia found that between the ages of 2.5 to 5, dad’s playing with their kids and being rough and tumble with them helps their brains develop the ability to manage emotion, thinking, and their physical body.  Self-regulation, and the ability of children to learn discipline is a key stage in their development and has important implications for their later adult years.  Scientists have also discovered that oxytocin, the chemical that is released in a child when it is nursing with his mother, is also released when dads play rough and tumble with their children.

So men, dads, don't let anyone tell you that you don't matter, you do.  Let me end with these words of challenge from Nehemiah, chapter 4, Don't be afraid.  Remember the Lord your God who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes.

Blessings,

Dr. Paul  

The Power of Forgiveness

     I spend a lot of time reading various journals and articles describing the latest research on marriage and family.  Over the years I have found it fascinating how many secular studies wind up confirming insights and principles found in the Bible.  The latest of these has to do with the role of forgiveness in marriage.  I happen to be certified to use a marriage and pre-marital evaluation tool called Prepare-Enrich.  This tool was developed by Dr. David Olsen, a faculty member of the University of Minnesota.
     One of the relationship categories this tool measures is forgiveness, the ability of the couple to give and receive forgiveness following a hurt, conflict, or betrayal.  After thousands of these evaluations, here is what the Prepare-Enrich team has concluded:
"Forgiveness has been found to be a very significant component in the relationships of happy couples. In a study of over 7,000 married couple who took PREPARE/ENRICH, 87% of Vitalized couples (a vitalized couple has a very strong relationship with a very low probability of divorce) had high scores in forgiveness indicating it to be a relationship strength.  Devitalized couples (a devitalized couple has a very poor relationship with a high probability of divorce) had low scores in forgiveness indicating this was a growth area in their relationship."
     What Dr. Olsen is pointing out is that strong couples have a higher ability to give and receive forgiveness.  And this happens to line up with one of the most important relationship principles of the Bible.  Scripture is full of references to the importance and power of forgiveness.  In Colossians 3:12-13 Paul says, "Put on then, ... compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other, as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive." Try applying this truth to your marriage and you will find yourself in a much stronger relationship.
Blessings,
Dr. Paul

Celebrating Mom

Today we celebrate the important role that mothers play in all of our lives.  For some of us, it can be a day of mixed emotions as you may lave lost your mom and miss her.  And there are some women who have lost a baby recently or long to have a child but have not been able to conceive.  However, we don't want to take away from who are mom's are and what they do for us.  Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived, wrote the book of Proverbs and in his closing chapter, wrote of a godly, righteous mother.  Abraham Lincoln said that all he was, and hoped to become, was because of his mom.
A young girl was asked one day, "Where is your home."  Her answer, "Wherever my Mommy is."  I think that says it all.

Blessings,
Dr. Paul

More Judicial Insanity

In April US Federal Judge Edward Korman issued a ruling that the "morning after" abortion pill should be made available, without prescription, to any young woman of any age.  Last week the Obama administration's FDA leadership determined that it should be made available to girls as young as 15 years of age.  While this makes more sense than Judge Korman's ruling, this is still judicial insanity in my mind.  In addition to this medicine being made available over-the-counter, there is no requirement that the child have the parent's permission.
My wife substitutes as a school nurse and whenever a child comes to her office wanting an aspirin or a tylenol, she has to look up whether the parent has given prior permission for their child to have it.  If not, she has to call the parent and seek their permission over the phone before she can give it to the child.  Seems to make perfect sense to me.  But not to our government when it comes to abortion on demand, parental rights, and doing what is morally correct.
It really comes down to this, while my child can't get something as harmless as an aspirin in school without my permission, this idiot federal judge has ruled that my child can decide for herself to take a powerful, body altering, life destroying drug with my knowledge or consent!  Just one more example of how off our nation's moral compass has become and how far down the moral sewer we continue to descend.
I hope parents will take time to contact their members of Congress to demand that this order be overturned through common sense, morally responsible, parent respecting legislation.
Blessings,
Dr. Paul

Appreciating Those Who Run In

Last week was a difficult week for our nation.  For our first responders, police officers, fire fighters, emergency medical technicians, each group experienced loss of a brother or sister.  Most of the people killed in the West, Texas explosion were volunteer fire fighters and EMT's.  Police officer Sean Collier was killed by the two terrorists.

It was interesting to me to see the reaction of the people from Westfield and Boston when the last terrorist was caught.  People were cheering and chanting in celebration.  As police cars drove past, people were clapping and expressing their gratitude.  At the Boston Bruins hockey game, the players gave their jerseys to the police officers present.  They gave the shirts off their backs.

All of these expressions of gratitude are great to see.  But why does it take a tragedy for our first responders to be appreciated? These men and women stand in harm's way for us every day.  They run in while others are running out.  Their spouses never know if their loved one will come home that night.  The stress of their lives is something most people just don't understand.

So let me encourage you to do two things.  First, pray for our first responders.  When you hear a siren or see flashing lights, do what I do.  Offer a prayer for their safety.  Second, take a moment when you see an officer, an EMT, or firefighter, and thank them for their service.  Offer to buy them a cup of coffee.

Blessings,
Dr. Paul