Smart Phone Addiction

Recently I have been accused, and rightly so, of being a bit too attached to my iphone.  According to a survey by Wikia, at least 50% of young people are actively connected at least 10 hours per day, and one in four are connected within 5 minutes of waking up.  A study in 2011 found that when young people unplugged from technology for just 24 hours, the vast majority reported experiencing physical and mental symptoms of distress.  You may joke about being "addicted to your phone, but unfortunately, the symptoms of technology addiction could really be adding stress to your life.  And then I came across a study that suggests 6 signs that your smart phone is stressing you out.  So read on and ask yourself if you are a bit too attached to your's:

1.  When your phone goes off and you have to respond right away.
If unanswered texts or emails raise your heart rate, there's a good chance that your smartphone is adding stress to your life rather than making it easier.  If you are constantly interrupting what you're doing, whether its doing school work or spending quality time with your family or friends to check your phone, it might be a sign that your behavior has become compulsive.
2.  You have Phantom Cellphone Syndrome.
This is when you think your phone is vibrating in your pocket, but when you take it out, the phone was never activated.This experience is a real sign of technology addiction and it's more common than you think.  A study conducted at Indiana University found that 89% of undergrads had experienced nonexistent cellphone vibrations.
3.  You Have a Bad Case of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out).
Are you constantly thinking about what everyone else is doing and all the things you might be missing out on at any given moment?  Does scrolling through party photos and enthusiastic weekend updates on your New Feed make you feel sad or anxious?  Then you have FOMO.  You especially can experience this when you aren't able to use or get to your phone for an extended period time.
4. You Feel Restless When You Are Away From Your Phone.
This is where you experience withdrawal symptoms when you can't check your phone or respond to messages.  Studies have found that some people have symptoms similar to those experienced by drug addicts.
5.  You Aren't Paying Attention to Friends and Family
You are with your family or friends, and your phone goes off.  Instead of ignoring it, you answer or respond.  Or you find yourself checking your email or social media in the middle of dinner or some other time when you are with other people who are important to you.
6.  Poor School Performance.
If you're having an increasing difficult time focusing in class and eagerly await the ringing of the bell you that you can check your phone and return that unanswered text, an internet or smartphone addiction could be one reason for low grades.
So how did you do?  If you are like me, you realize that maybe you are a little too attached.  Just reading these can be convicting!  So what do you do about it?  If you find yourself going to bed looking at your phone, and then looking at it as soon as you get up, don't put your phone on your bedside table.  Keep it away from your bed. During the course of your day, set certain times when you will look at your phone or get on social media, and make it a point not to use your phone when you are with other people you care about.  Feeling restless? Use a coping mechanism like taking a deep breath or going for a walk to help you cope.  You can also get an app that will block your phone and online activity while you are in school or doing homework.

Time to go, I have to answer my phone.

Blessings,
Dr. Paul

The Man Cave

Last week I attended the Wildfire Men's weekend with my sons and my mother-in-law's husband.  It was great to be with them, and at an event celebrating what it means to be a man, and a man who seeks to love God and his family.  Let me tell you, this event was all testosterone.  From the guys of the Power Team bending rebar with their teeth and bare hands, to a paint ball arena, to displays for hunting, fishing, knives, the NRA, responsible investing, to seminars on self-defense, extreme sports, being a better husband and father, this weekend was like one big man cave.  Speakers included Tim Tebow and Willie Robertson (from the reality show Duck Dynasty). No flowers, no butterflies, and no feminizing of Christianity.  The theme verse for the weekend was Nehemiah 4:14, Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your homes. 
I believe that because men have not always been the godly leaders of their home and church, that the church has lost its edge, its courage, and we have replaced a manly Jesus with one who sings Kumbaya and picks daisies.  We also live in a society where it is ok to deride men.  Just look at many shows on TV today.  Men are portrayed as bungling idiots who need their wives, girlfriends, or kids to save them from themselves.  Men are viewed as weak cowards, not strong leaders. 
It is time to bring a healthy correction to the church and our society's view of men.  We need to acknowledge the unique, complementary, and important roles of both women and men.  This week I was talking to a young man who grew up without his dad present.  He entered into a life of violence and crime, but thankfully God has gotten ahold of him and he is seeking to become the father to his kids he never had.  A few years ago I was a speaker at Sandy Cove Ministries and a woman approached me afterward seeking some advice.  She came with her grandson hoping he would benefit from the great program they have for kids.  She spoke of the problems he was having at home and school, getting into fights, disrespecting his mom.  Do you know what the first question I asked her?  Where is Dad? Her reply, He left the family.  There, in a nutshell, was the basis of this boys problems. 
I was blessed to have a dad who loved me, spent time with me, and sought to be a godly example to me.  Now that he is in heaven, I have a big hole in my life and my heart.  Driving home, I thought about how great it would be to tell him about our time at Wildfire and show him some of the pictures.  That will have to wait, but in the mean time, I can carry on his legacy of manhood and seek to be the kind of dad to my sons that he was to me. 
I think it is time we men take to heart passages like Nehemiah 4:14 and be who God has created us, and called us to be.
Blessings,
Dr. Paul

A Day Which will Last in Infamy

This week marks the 40th anniversary of a day of infamy in America.  I am referring to the Supreme Court decision to legalize abortion.  Since then, over 57 million unborn children have been killed in the name of choice. There are a lot of arguments I could make as to why this decision is so wrong.  But I want to leave you with just one thought.  I was listening to a radio advertisement by the Susan G. Koman three day walk for a cure to breast cancer. In this ad there are women speaking of what a great experience it was for them, as light catchy music plays in the background.  The announcer then states why it is so important for people to participate in the walk to find a cure for breast cancer, "because every person deserves a life time." Shouldn't that apply to unborn children?
Blessings,
Dr. Paul

Faith, Hope, Love, and Grief

To be honest, it is still hard for me to get my mind ahold of the idea that Dad is no longer here.  There continue to be times when I want to give him a call and tell him something, or I think about visiting him, and then I realize that Dad is with the Lord.  As I reflect on these past couple of weeks since his death, and how Mom and I are doing, three things stand out for me, Faith, Hope, and Love. 
Faith is how my relationship with God has been a great source of comfort and strength.  When you lose someone this close, it gets you thinking about what matters in life, and causes you to pause and think about your own mortality.  I know that Jesus understands loss, grief, and death, because He experienced all three.  So being a Christ follower means I have a God to turn to who doesn't just sympathize, He also empathizes with me. 
Flowing out from my faith is hope.  Hope in the promise of eternal life.  As Jesus said in John 3:16, For God so loved the world, that He gave His one and only Son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but shall have eternal life.  I know that because of dad's faith, he is with the Lord.  And I know that because of my faith, I will be re-united with him one day.  Death is not the final end for the Christ follower, it is a transition.  A transition from the life of sin, suffering, and death, to life eternal. 
Flowing out from faith is also love.  Love for God, God's love for me, and the kind of brotherly love that is found in the family of God.  I have been deeply touched by the love and concern shown by people, believers and non-beleivers alike.  But there is something about the family of God that brings people together in a deeper way that the world simply can't understand.  And what a difference it has made to know that people are taking the time to pray for us as a family, and reach out in other tangible ways. 
All of this doesn't take away the grief I feel when I think about Dad and how I miss him, but it sure makes it a lot easier to deal with.  As the Bible tells us, we grieve, but not as people who have no hope, for God is with us, and He is faithful to His promises for all eternity. 

Blessings,
Dr. Paul

A Father's Legacy

To end this year I am posting the text of my tribute to my dad that I gave at his funeral, A Father's Legacy.

When I think about my Dad, the word that come's to mind is legacy.  Dad gave me and my family an incredible legacy that will impact generations to come.  So let me tell you a little bit about my Dad and what he meant to me as his son.

A Legacy of Faith

He was born on May 23, 1935 at his parent’s home on 713 Stanwood Street in Philadelphia. When my dad was 14 he had a life changing experience.  He went to Pine Brook Camp and heard the gospel and made a commitment of faith in Jesus as his savior.  When he came home from camp, my grandmother was thrilled, my grandfather was not happy at all.  Eventually my grandfather left the family and never had contact with them again.   This was very hard for Dad, but he continued to out his faith in many ways.  Dad started a Bible study group in Lincoln High School.  He helped with Youth rallies, playing the saxophone. 

After graduating from Lincoln High School, he went to Philadelphia College of Bible and King’s College.  At King’s dad worked in the maintenance department and learned to be very handy with electrical, plumbing and basic carpentry.  I always admired dad’s ability to fix just about anything.  After graduating from college, God continued to lead him and he decided to pursue the ministry and enrolled in the Reformed Episcopal Seminary.   

Dad was a man of faith who sought to live what he preached.  I can tell you that he does not want us to mourn his loss, but to celebrate that he is with the Lord who he lived for and in the heaven he preached about.   

A Legacy of Love

While he was a seminary student, Bethany Temple Church in Philadelphia was looking for an assistant pastor and offered him the position. This led to the most momentous meeting of his life, next to the Lord.  Sitting in church that first Sunday was a lovely young woman by the name of Joan Walker.  Now it is important to note that Dad was 6 foot 5, and Mom is 6 foot 2.  Mom was sitting with some girlfriends and they all told my Mom, “Look at him Joan, you gotta get this guy!”  There was a receiving line to meet the new assistant pastor.  As they shook hands, Dad said, “Boy, you have cold hands.”  Mom replied without skipping a beat, “Yes, but I have a warm heart.”  Mom will tell you she fell for his smile and his dreamy eyes. 

They started dating and were married on December 27, 1958.    Next week would have been their 54^th wedding anniversary.  What a legacy of love that we can all admire! 

  

A Legacy of Ministry and Service

During Dad’s time in seminary, he took a tour for local clergy of Philadelphia Police Headquarters. The idea occurred to him that police officers come in contact with people, especially troubled youth, that normally don’t attend church and Sunday School.  Dad had a heart for kids and thought the church could do a better job helping kids and families in trouble.  So after seminary he went to the Philadelphia Police Academy.  He earned a sharpshooter award and was top in his class in judo.  He became the first ordained minister in the Philadelphia Police Department.  The Philadelphia Bulletin did an article on his work and called him “The minister with a badge.”  I was talking to Rev. Mel Floyd this week, who joined the department after my dad.  He remarked that dad was trailblazer for combining ministry with a career in law enforcement. 

Dad started out as a patrol officer in the 26^th district.  During his second year on the street he was severely injured when a drunk driver hit the police motorcycle he was riding.  He eventually recovered and finished his time on street patrol in a red car (Mom said no more motorcycles).  Later he transferred to Juvenile Aid Division where he finished out his time with the department.    He got to know pastors around the city and sought to connect troubled kids with church youth ministries. He also pastored a small church in Southwest Philadelphia, Reconciliation Church, and later St. Marks Church in Rydal. 

Out of his frustration with the huge case loads in JAD, Dad became a state parole officer.  The idea here was to get them as they are coming out, instead of when they are going in.  The case loads were smaller and it gave dad the chance to have longer contact with the men and women on parole and their families.  It was still dangerous work, especially making arrests for parole violations.   But Dad sought to make a difference in the lives of his parolees.  After Dad retired as a parole agent, worked for Montgomery County Coroner’s Office as an investigator. 

A Legacy of Fatherhood. 

As proud as I am of my dad, this is what matters most to me.  As busy as he was, Dad always had time for me. Dad was the one who taught me to ride a bike, hit and throw a baseball, fish and hunt.  He taught me how to drive.  Before I got a permit, he let me drive the family car on the church parking lot after I washed it.  Mom wasn’t thrilled with this, especially when he was in the kitchen while I drove. He taught tune up my first car, a 68 Plymouth satellite 2 door with a 318 engine. He taught me about the birds and the bees, in fact, I think we had 3 talks about that!   

Dad was a gun guy and a gadget guy.  He was a certified pistol, rifle, and shotgun instructor, a life member of the NRA, and a police firearms instructor for the Parole Department.  Dad taught me gun safety and how to shoot.  I remember many hours with him at the target range or out in the field hunting.  When I was a teenager, I developed an interest in short wave radio (I am also a gadget guy).  Once again, Dad used it as an opportunity to spend time with me.  So he suggested that we take classes to become licensed ham radio operators.  When we passed our FCC test, we sent in our applications together and got consecutive call signs, Dad was WB3HHO and I am WB3HHP. 

The most important thing God instilled in me is faith.  When I was 6 years old, one day I was sitting on my dad’s lap.  I had questions about God and he prayed with me to accept Christ as my savior.  Dad was always supportive of me and was always willing to talk about anything.  He was a big man, but always approachable. Dad had a great sense of humor.  He loved to joke and tease.  He relished that as I got older, he had more hair than me.  He was very generous and gave to his church, many missions and other causes.  He also helped many people quietly through the years. 

Dad was so excited when I proposed to Phyllis.  He took to her right away and said she was the daughter he never had.  He loved her as his own.  He loved to spoil her.  He also loved getting to know Phyllis’ family, especially her brothers Joe and Steve.  And then when we started having our children, he was the proudest grandpa on the planet.  If you look at the family pictures, you can see his biggest smiles are when he is holding one of our kids.  Dad was a great prayer warrior for all of us.  Always asking what he could pray about.  He is so proud of each of his grandchildren.  He loved spending time with us in Cape May and treating us to great meals, breakfast at McGlade's, dinner at Lucky Bones or special occasions at the Washington Inn.  

Dad loved animals and especially birds and dogs.  He had a dog much of his life.  In his later years he gravitated toward schnauzers.  Dad absolutely spoiled his dog.  One friend said that if he believed in reincarnation, he would want to come back as Dad’s dog.    

Over the last 10 years dad developed a rare, genetic, nuero-muscular disease called adrenomyelone nuropathy.  In the last four years it took more and more from him.  For us as a family, living with someone with AMN is like a very long goodbye, especially since late August. But dad was very determined and fought it all the way.  But he also was clear that he wanted to leave this world on his terms.  We transferred Dad to hospice last Friday, and Dad was completely aware of what this meant.  He faced his impending death with the same guts he displayed on the streets of Phildadelphia. Over the weekend we all had times to talk to him and tell him how much we love him.  He is now free from a body that was simply giving out on him.  Thanks Dad for your legacy, I know it will continue for generations to come.   I love you and we will miss you.  

Hitting the Marriage Jackpot

The last few days have been all about the most recent Power Ball jackpot which reached over $550 million.  Unfortunately, the chances of hitting the big jackpot were calculated to be 1 in 75 million.  By comparison, your chances of being hit by lightning are only 1 in 5000. Not very good odds, to say the least.  For those of you who are married, I would like to suggest a better basket to put your eggs in.

Winning a lottery is simply a matter of luck.     You can't buy marital happiness or success, just look at how many rich people get divorced.   And let's say you did win the jack pot, I am sure you have heard the stories of how you wind up having more friends and relatives than you ever realized, and how many couples who win eventually get divorced.

Good marriages take time and work, they don't just happen.  There are no shortcuts or magic formulas. Over the years various surveys have been taken which ask happily married couples of various ages what makes their marriage so good.  Regardless of the survey or the age of the participants, the number one answer is consistently the same. And it has nothing to do with money.  The number one answer as to why couples are happily married is "my spouse is my best friend."  This answer certainly means that the husband and wife are spending plenty of quality time together, and they are making the effort required to be best friends.

So my question to you is this, how much time and effort are you investing in your marriage?

Blessings,
Dr. Paul

God's Plan for Restoration

There is a lot of talk about politics and government these days and for good reason, we are about to elect the next president.  It is important for all of us to be informed and to vote.  I started reading a book yesterday which reminded me that as important as this election is, and as important as government may be (with the understanding of our forefathers that "the government that governs best, governs least"), that the hope for restoration is not found in government.  It is found in a place populated by the people of God, flawed as they may be.  Bill Hybels in his book Courageous Leadership, lays out his vision for God's plan for restoration:
There is nothing like the local church when it's working right.  Its beauty is indescribable.  Its power is breathtaking.  Its potential is unlimited.  It comforst the grieving and heals the broken in the context of community.  It builds bridges to seekers and offers truth to the confused.  It provides resources for those in need and opens it arms to the forgotten, the downtrodden, the disillusioned.  It  breaks the chains of addicitons, frees the oppressed, and offers belonging to the marginalized of this world.  Whatever the capacity for human suffering, the church has a greater capacity for healing and wholeness. 
God's church can do what government can never do, speak to the heart in a way that changes a life. When you pray for the upcoming election, take some time to also pray for spiritual revival and awakening.  It will make all the difference.
Blessings,
Dr. Paul