A Tale of Two Homes

One of the things that strikes you when you arrive in Cambodia, besides the incredible heat and humidity, is the depth of the poverty alongside of glimpses of wealth and modern technology. An example which comes to mind is one of the Bible studies I attended with our host missionaries. it was located in the city of Phnom Penh. We pulled up in front of a large home surrounded by a wall, barbed wire, and a locked gate. The Bible study didn't take place there, but in a corrugated aluminum, roof top home of a poor family. the home consisted of a living area with no chairs, a mattress on the floor for the mother to sleep on (behind some curtains), and a small closet for the toilet (a bucket). There is one flourescent light hanging from the roof rafters, and one small window with no glass or screen, just two wooden shutters. Food is cooked in the corner of the room.
The mother of this family lost her husband to cancer last year and is now unemployed. She used to see rice on a street corner until the government ordered all street vendors at that location to be removed. Her oldest daughter now works in a garment factory for 10 hours a day, and earns $1.50 per day. The rest of her siblings go to school, but unless you bride the teacher for about $300 a year, your child is not educated. Needless to say, there is no money to provide an adequate education.
At the end of our study, this dirt poor family offers us some bowls of fruit in appreciation for our visit. They wait until we eat first. It brings a tear to my eye as a wealthy American (by Cambodia standards) eating food from a family who can barely survive. I talk to Greg (our missionary host) about giving them a generous money gift before we leave and he agrees. Then I walk over to the window and I see a large satellite TV dish on the roof of the three story home I described when we first pulled up. Looking down, I notice lots of toys on the second floor balcony, and three cars inthe driveway, two Lexus and a Mercedes. Talk about a tale of two homes! There are hundreds of examples as you travel this country. The needs, spiritual, physical, economic, medical, etc., are vast and deep. It reminds me of Jesus as He ministered in Matthew 9:35ff, "And Jesus went travelling among the cities and villages, proclaiming the gospel of the kingdom, and healing every type of disease and sickness. And seeing the people, he was moved with compassion, for they were distressed, and downcast, like sheep without a shepherd. Then He said to His disciples, "The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Therefore, beseech the Lord of the harvest to send workers into His harvest."
Pray for the people of Cambodia and those who serve them.
Blessings,
Dr. Paul

Counseling Ministry in Cambodia

Yes, I am back from Cambodia and over my jet lag from 21 hours of travel back to the USA. God blessed the work I was able to do for the World Team missionaries. As you know, I went to provide a marriage enrichment seminar for the couples, and offered counseling sessions for them. In addition to the 3 seminars on marriage, I provided about 19 hours of counseling. One of the issues I touched on in the marriage seminar was the impact of stress on the mission field on a marriage. The next day I was approached by a couple of the missionaries and was asked to do a more indepth seminar on stress and how to reduce its impact on their marriages and families. So I got my brain in gear and put together an imprompto seminar on stress. We met for three hours and it was a priviledge to share some of that I have learned with them. I am a firm believer that God uses prior experiences to prepare you for future ministry opportunities. He certainly confirmed it on this trip.
In future posts I will share more impressions and experiences from this trip to the front lines of ministry in a lad of great material and spritual poverty.
Blessings,
Dr. Paul

Honoring Those Who Have Defended Our Feedom

This is the 8th Memorial Day since the attacks on our nation on September 11. As have entered the 6th year of the war in Afganistan and Iraq, each week we add more names to the list of our honored dead. As we think about our nation’s war on terror, it requires this generation of Americans to decide that freedom is worth fighting for, and even dying for. I came across these words of the first general to command an American army, General George Washington. As you think about Al-Qaeda and those who follow Islam who are committed to our destruction, I believe his words are as appropriate today as they were in 1776:
The time is now at hand which must probably determine whether Americans are to be free men or slaves, whether they are to have any property they can all their own, whether their houses and farms are to be pillaged and destroyed, and themselves consigned to a state of wretchedness from which no human efforts can deliver them.
The fate of unborn millions will now depend, under God, on the courage of this army. Our cruel and unrelenting enemy leaves us only the choice of brave resistance, or the most abject submission. We have, therefore, to resolve to conquer or die.
Washington spoke those words to his volunteer continental army. In today’s volunteer army, our heroes are not just career soldiers. They are architects, lawyers, businessmen, paramedics, police officers, fire fighters , mechanics, moms, and dads. They are men like U.S. Marine Lt. Donovan Cambell. He joined the Corps in 2004 at the age of 25. He didn’t join because he was unemployed, or unemployable. He didn’t join because he had no other options, or better future. He was a graduate of Princeton University. A school many in Lower Moreland would give anything to attend. He decided to join the Marines to fight for his country, and believed he could learn leadership skills better in the military than in the corporate world. You can read about his experienced in a book entitled, Joker One, A Marine Platoon’s Story of Courage, Leadership, and Brotherhood.
He and his 160 man unit were sent to the city of Ramadi, a city of 350,000. That meant there was one soldier for every 2,200 Iraqi’s. At one point there were so many insurgents and terrorists in that city that his unit was the most engaged in all of Iraq. By the time they left, they had suffered 50% casualties, more by percentage than any unit, Army or Marine, since Vietnam. He was asked by a reporter if he will commemorate Memorial Day differently now that he has served in two wars, Iraq and Afganistan. His reply:
Honestly, I treat every day differently now that I’ve served in two wars. I view each day as a gift, not an obligation, and I thank God for each one that I have. This Memorial Day I will pray for the fallen and their families, some of whom I know. I will take a step back from my life and thank God for all of the good things He has given me: my family, my health, my friends. I will take a few moments to reflect on the tremendous responsibility I have to live the one life I have well, for there are so many others who would love life but no longer have it.
Yes, there are many who have lost their lives, currently just over 5400 in Iraq and Afganistan. Whenever our nation is at war, we are reminded again of the cost of our freedom. Even though the number of dead is very small compared to the other wars our nation has fought, each death is a husband or wife, father, or mother, son or daughter, brother or sister to someone here. These deaths in the war on terror hover over the present, and especially for their loved ones, cast long shadows into the future.
We owe an incredible debt of gratitude to the men and women who serve our country today, and to those who have served in the past, and especially to those who have given their lives on the field of battle. Lets join with Donovan Campbell in praying for those who serve our nation, and remembering those who gave their lives. Let us live our lives well, and never forget that freedom is never free.
Blessings,
Pastor Paul

Powerful Intimacy

Do you know what is one of the most intimate and powerful experiences you can have with your spouse? No, I am not talking about sex. How about prayer? Yes, I mean what I say. I submit to you that one of the most powerfully intimate experiences you can have with your spouse is prayer. Something happens when a husband and wife pray together.
Let me explain why I say this about prayer. Think about it for a minute. When you pray, you are saying that you need God's help, you don't have all of the answers, and there is someone bigger than yourself and your problems. That takes humility, humility you are demonstrating in front of the person you love.
When you pray, you are talking to the God of the universe about the things that matter the most to you. Nothing is more personal and more intimate than that. And when you do this in front of your spouse, you are allowing them to share in one of the most personal and intimate experiences of your life. They are able to hear what is on your heart and mind as you talk to your creator.
When you do this together, you are able to share in what is most important in your spouse's heart. So make some time to take your spouse by the hand and pray to God from your heart. I guarantee you will be closer to each other, and have a stronger marriage.
Blessings,
Dr. Paul

The Biggest Casualties of Divorce

Whenever I work with a couple in the midst of separation or divorce, I always tell them that I am not going to take sides with either of them. When I take sides, it will always be with their children. There are a number of serious mistakes parents consistently make as they try to work through the implosion of their marriage. And it is the kids who are the biggest casualties whenever Mom and Dad can't or won't work through their problems and split. Kids don't chose their parents, and they are thrown into fire when Mom and Dad split.
One of the things I see constantly with parents is that they are so focused on the battle with their spouse/ex-spouse, they fail to put enough focus on the needs of their kids. The parents also put their kids in the middle by asking them for information on the other parent, or subtlely or overtly asking the kids to take sides. Or trying to manipulate the kids by putting the other parent in the worst possible light. One parent often takes the role of the disciplinarian, and the other throws out the rules and gives the kids what they want in order to placate their own guilt, or to win the kids over to their side. Parents often rush into a new romantic relationship way too soon for it to be healthy for him/herself, and definitely not healthy for the kids. They are aleardy struggling to make sense of life after the most disruptive and destructive experience of their lives, and now Mom or Dad wants to throw a new adult into the mix.
If you are a parent and are contemplating separation or divorce, or you are already in that situaiton, let me urge you to read the best book ever written on the impact of divorce on your children. It is The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce by Blakeslee, Lewis, and Wallerstein. They studied the lives of children of every age range, from infancy to young adult, for 25 years after their parents divorced. This book will not only give you a better understanding of what your kids are going through, but how to avoid common mistakes and mitigate some of the most destructive consequences for your kids.
Blessings,
Dr. Paul

Are You a Peacemaker or a Source of Conflict?

Greetings from Sandy Cove! I am here at a pastor's conference to promote the ministry of Insight and to provide counseling free of charge to an pastor or couple who desire some help. The main speak during this time is Ken Sande, the founder of Peacemaker Ministries. God has used him and his organization to servce the church in helping Christians and churches to resolve conflict in a biblical fashion. He made a statement last night that really caught my ear, "Christ is the reason many people go into ministry, and conflict is what drives them out." Every pastor nodded his head in agreement, myself included.
I have counseled many discouraged pastors, talented, gifted, and called to the ministry, who are ready to call it quits because of conflict. Certainly there are pastors who are off base, power hungery, and do things to stir conflict. But in the majority of cases, the source of the conflict are certain people in the pew who thrive on conflict, especially when the dreaded "change" word is mentioned. "We've never done it that way before." "This is the way we have always done things, and this is the way we always will." Or people who just like to take pot shots at the pastor and his family. Who their friends are, how they dress, the behavior of their children, the kind of car he drives, how he uses his time, the list is endless.
So let me ask you, are you are peacemaker or a source of conflict? You may be saying to yourself, well I have never done any of the above. That is good as far as it goes, but how do you respond to others who act this way. Do you admonish them in the spirit of Galations 6:1? Do you encourage them to talk to the pastor directly if they have a problem with something, or offer to go with them? If not, then you too are contributing to a culture of conflict in your church.
Certainly when there are issues of fundamental doctrine or moral failure, the congregation and its leaders need to respond, but that is obviously not what I am talking about.
Here is something you can do right now to bless your pastor, call him and thank him for his ministry, or send him a note of encouragement. You might be the difference between a pastor who stays in the ministry, and one who throws in the towel.
Blessings,
Dr. Paul

Update on Me, and Some Thoughts About Technology

Wow, it has been a month since my last posting. Between getting over the tragic death of my cousin, travelling to Spain to see my daughter, and a lot of catch up on work at church and for Insight, life has been crazy. But I am back in the blog spot saddle. Hopefully you will consider this a blessing!
I came across some interesting research on just how much we as Americans are involved with techonology. With all of the talk about Twitter, MySpace, and Facebook, it turns out that less than half of Americans (48%) use any one or more of these computer social networks. Only 16% of adults who have a MySpace or Facebook account update their page daily. Only 5% of American currently use Twitter (even I don't get the appeal of Twitter. I really don't care to tell you what I am doing or thinking about throughout the day, nor do I think my life is that important that you care to read my tweats, nor do I need to know what you are doing all of the time). 74% of 18-34 year olds have an account on Facebook or MySpace, and 24% of those 55 and older have an account. This information comes from our friends at the Harris Poll. I wonder how much of their information came through one or more of these social networks?
Turning to video games, a study by Iowa State University finds that three million American kids, ages 8-18, may be addicted to video games. Lead researcher Doug Genile found that 8.5% of all kids who play video games show multiple signs of behavioral addiction. Quoting Gentile, "It becomes an addiction when it starts damaging multiple areas of your life." Even more alarming to me is an observation by Kurt Bruner, co-author of the book Playstation Nation, "It's unlike TV, it's unlike other things that might be a waste of time, because video games actually become a replacement for real life."
What is the source of real life, not artificial life? Let me quote a carpenter from Nazareth, "I came that you might have live, and life abundant."
Blessings,
Dr. Paul