The Saddest Day of the Year

 Feeling depressed today? You’re not alone, today is “Blue Monday,” a day many consider to be the saddest day of the year.  And just why is this day the gloomiest?  A number of reasons are given:

            -All of the credit card bills from Christmas and Hannukah are coming in.

            -You are starting to get your W-2’s and 1099’s which remind you that tax season is coming.

            -Your New Year’s resolutions are losing steam or have stopped altogether.

            -The days are still short and the nights are still long, and if you live in cold weather climates, the weather often stinks.

            -In the Northern Hemisphere, Spring seems to be a long way off.

            -Any negative changes in your pay start showing up in your paycheck.  If you got a raise, you see how much more in taxes are being taken.

            -The full impact of Obamacare is now in place. 

            -If you are a Republican, you have to endure another State of the Union speech by President Obama.

            -If you are a Democrat, you are now the minority in both houses of Congress.

Feeling depressed yet? And if you are off from work today, you have more time to worry about all of this.  What are some of the solutions offered?  One that many people take is to get high or intoxicated.  One expert I saw on the news suggested eating certain “comfort foods” can raise your mood.  Her best suggestion in my mind was eating chocolate, a no-brainer for lifting my mood.  Many offer any number of medications as a temporary solution. 

Isn’t there an answer that goes deeper, more to the core of who you are?  An answer that would make you less vulnerable to the changing circumstances of life and the date on the calendar?  I want to suggest to you a deeper and more meaningful connection with your Creator.  The Bible presents God as the One who is everywhere present, all powerful, all knowing who created us to be in relationship with Him (see Psalm 139).  And as God, He says that you can have genuine peace and hope through knowing Him (Isaiah 26:3, Jeremiah 29:11).  Jesus Himself offers this promise, Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you.  Not as the world gives do I give to you.  Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.  If you want to be able to live in peace regardless of your circumstances, the only way to do this is in connection with God. 

The apostle Paul picks up on this realization and describes the reality of it in his life.  A life, by the way, that was full of terrible circumstances that would depress anyone (see 2 Corinthians 11:22ff.).  He describes this in Phillipians 4:11-13, Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am.  I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity.  In any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need.  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  Did you catch what Paul is saying?  He says that he has learned how to be content regardless of his circumstances.  How is that possible?  Paul says it comes through his connection to Christ. 

Feeling depressed?  Looking for an answer that runs deeper and impacts the core of your being?  Do you want to live a Paul did?  Reach out to us and let us help you find the answers God has for you. 

Blessings,

Dr. Paul

Helicopter Parenting in Overdrive

     One of the parenting concerns I have that not many counselors seem to be addressing today is parents, educators, and politicians who are over-protective of children.  Certainly we need to exercise prudence and discretion, but more and more I see examples of overprotection in overdrive.  Recently a city banned sledding, schools suspending children for playing with objects that could be construed as a gun, children being banned from bringing in cupcakes or other goodies to school celebrate a birthday, a group of advocates pushing an initiative to teach kindergarten children about rape, and I could go on and on.  But recently I read an example that takes this to an even newer level of absurdity.  A Denver, Colorado couple have made the decision to move to where their daughter is attending college in Portland, Oregon and have her live with them in an off-campus apartment.  Now I lived at home while I attended Temple University to save money, but that was my choice, and my parents had no problem with me going away to school.  Here we have parents actually moving to where their child is going to school.  

     According to real estate agents and college admissions officials, there is actually a growing trend of parents choosing to move to where their child is going to college.  A Caldwell Banker realtor in Tennesee just helped a family move across the state to keep their daughter safe and on task while at school.  Next year, the young lady in Portland is considering a semester studying abroad.  And guess who is thinking of coming with her?  I just hope that her wedding night isn't too awkward!  

     Here are some of the problems I have with helicopter parenting.  First, where is trust in God's hand of protection for your child and His role in their life?  Second, do you have so little faith in the teaching and modeling you did in their formative years that it is all going to evaporate once they go away?  Third, how will your adult children learn how to cope with life on their own?   Fourth, children need to learn how to fail, how to lose, and how to get hurt.  Otherwise they will never learn how to rebound from these as independent adults.  

     I remember working with a family years ago who was having a lot of trouble with their teenage son.  His grades were dropping, he was sneaking out of the house, getting into a ton of trouble.  Every night his father would make him sit at the table and watch him do his homework.  When meeting with the son, it was clear to me that part of the problem was with his controlling, over-protective, smothering parents.  I met with Mom and Dad and suggested they back off, let him sink or swim on his own with his grades.  He was perfectly capable of getting A's again, and then I said to dad, "What are you going to do if he gets into college, move your business office into his dorm?" Apparently today that is not as crazy as I thought it once was.  By the way, the parents backed off on his school work, and after working with some heart issues in the young man's life, his grades went back up.  

Blessings,

Dr. Paul